theinbetweenismine

just a girl living the expat life

Archives for February 2010

Feeling helpless

filed under: f*ck that, family, Germany, help

About 3 months ago, almost to the day, I told you that my Granddad had suffered a mild stroke and was taken to the hospital.

The stroke had only impacted his language center in the brain and he had trouble communicating. Otherwise, he seemed almost unharmed. He had to stay in the hospital for a couple of weeks, he received speech therapy and when he was doing better and I could talk to him on the phone again, I was so relieved, so so relieved that he seemed to be on the road to almost full recovery. My Granddad is 87, he’s lived through WWII and he has one hell of a stubborn mind.

The fact that he was recovering so well made me feel a little better about the decision to not go to Germany for Christmas, but postpone my trip until spring after my sister will have had her baby.
I talked to him on the phone regularly the last few weeks and with every phone call I could tell that he was doing better and that his language had almost come back completely. Yesterday my Granddad tried to call me, but I missed his call. I told myself that I would give him a call back today.

This morning though, I received a call from my sister. My Granddad is  back in the hospital. From what they were told, my Granddad must have suffered another stroke while he was sleeping and is now in a “sleep coma”.
That means he seems to be sleeping (he’s actually snoring which is almost comical, if it wasn’t so serious), but they can’t get him to wake up.

The doctors told my family that they don’t know if he’ll ever wake up again, and that if he did wake up again, his life would probably not be worth living anymore. Since the stroke impacted the left side of his brain again, he probably won’t be able to communicate or move much and the longer he remains in the coma, the more severe the impact on this brain will be.

My heart is breaking at being so far away from home and from my family. I feel helpless and alone. I kick myself that I missed my Granddad’s phone call yesterday, as this might have been my last chance to talk to him ever again. On top of that, my sister’s due date is in 18 days and she’d be devastated if he won’t be able to see his great-grandchild anymore.

I don’t know what to think right now. Part of me wants to get on a plane like first thing tomorrow morning, but if I did that, it would impact my plans to go home in the spring. Also, there is no guarantee that he would wake up or notice at all that I was there.
I am afraid that he’s going to pass away without me being there, but again, nobody knows if he’s going to wake up again or for how long he’s going to be in the coma.
I feel so torn, because I want to see him again so badly, but at the same time, I don’t want him to suffer. I don’t want him to wake up and realize that he can’t communicate or move at all anymore. I don’t want him to go to a nursing home just to vegetate away for a few more months, and I don’t want him to be in any pain.

I don’t want him to wake up for my selfish wish alone  to see him one more time.
He lived a full-filled, happy and healthy life. If this is the way he’s supposed to go – to fall into a sleep coma and then pass on, I can’t think of a better way to die.
(My grandma (his wife) battled breast-cancer for eight years (she died a long time ago, when I was six) and that is definitely a more painful and sad way to go.)

If you could spare a moment and send some good thoughts and prayers (for whatever outcome) my Granddad’s way, that would be wonderful and very much appreciated.
I can only once more reiterate how much it sucks to be so far away from your family in times like this.

If I only knew what I am supposed to do now…

Finish the sentence…

filed under: about me, lists!

{This meme was sitting in my drafts folder (uncompleted) for quite some time. I don’t remember where I got it from… but still, enjoy.}

Maybe I should try to not overthink every little thing.
I love spending a whole day in my PJ’s, hanging around the house.
People would say that I’m thoughtful and considerate.
I don’t understand why there is so much injustice and pain in this world.
When I wake up in the morning I like to just stay under the warm and cozy blanket for another 10 minutes.
I lost my camera once which had the last and only pictures of my very first car on it.
Life is full of unexpected twists and turns. 
My past is full of good memories. 
I get annoyed when people are inconsiderate.
Parties are the best when you’re hanging out with your best friends.
I wish I had more time with my family. Distance sucks.
Dogs are wonderful and great companions.
Cats are lovely creatures.
Tomorrow I’m going to go to my last crochet class with Amy.
I have low tolerance for selfish and arrogant people.
I’m totally terrified of complete darkness.
I wonder why I used to not be able to say “no” to people. (I’m getting better at it.)
Never in my life have I intentionally hurt anybody.
High school was one of the best times ever! (Yes, for real.)
When I’m nervous I break into a sweat.
One time at a family gathering I couldn’t stop smiling because of the happiness that being around my family brings me.
Take my advice: Try to always recognize the good things in your life.
Making my bed rarely happens on a daily basis.
I’m almost always thinking about people that are dear to me.
I’m addicted to salt & vinegar chips.
I want someone to invent a light-speed travel device so that I can see my family and friends whenever I want.

The sky is the limit

filed under: about me, FYI, good things, reminiscence

{image via weheartit}

I am working on a  College Campus and I love it. That’s probably because I loved going to College (and I loved going to school as well). If someone would pay me to go to College, I’d accept in a heartbeat. (I wouldn’t mind skipping the (final) exams, although mid-terms would be  fine, I guess.) I was one of the students that would re-write all of her class notes at home. Not because I was such a nerd, but I liked to have everything neat and organized. I spent hours on making learning cards, charts and sketches (I am also a visual learner – sometimes I couldn’t remember the answer to an exam question, but I could sure tell you where in my notes the answer was (“page 5, on the bottom”)).

I’ve always been interested in new things and I’ve taken many classes in college just out of pure curiosity, not so much because I needed them to graduate!

I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember. If there was a new extracurricular activity in school, you could be damn sure I would go and check it out. If someone suggested to try out a new sport or hobby. I was in!
I always felt like I had to “do it all”. I needed to form my own opinion about things before I could dismiss them; or alternatively love them forever.

My parents pretty much let me try whatever my heart desired at any given moment and throughout my childhood and elementary school years I was involved in many, many activities. I learned to play the recorder, I sang in the school choir, I went to handball practice and I learned how to cross-stitch and sew. I attended pottery classes for kids and I regularly went to kids’ gymnastics. From what I hear, I also was carrying books around all the time.
During my teenage and college years I played basketball, tennis and badminton,
I attended a Jazz dance group at school, I drew/painted, I started writing letters (with 40+ pen-pals during the peak), I attended a Japanese project group at school, I started playing the piano, I took riding, Italian, dancing and cooking classes, I played softball, I was part of a theater group, and I started all kinds of crafting projects.

I actively participated in the student council for most of my middle and high school years and was head of the student council my final year in high school. I also was a member of our local church youth club for many years and participated in summer camps and other activities. There was never a dull moment. I always had stuff going on and I just loved it.

Apparently, I have a curious mind and it has always been that way. I don’t think I have one outstanding talent (although sometimes I wished I had), but consider myself quite capable in a lot of areas. Also, I am not a quitter. Many of these activities that I pursued for many, many years,  I am still pursuing today in one form or another.

I love being involved in many different things and because of that I know I want to be  and will be a life-long learner.

———————————

How about you? Do you like to try new things, or do you stick to what you know? Did you try out many different things growing up?

Just because…

filed under: about me, my so-called life, weekend

{image via weheartit}

This is a short update since I haven’t posted anything the whole week. I’ve been insanely busy, so busy that I seriously don’t know left from right anymore. All I want to do is sleep.
Unfortunately, the weekend is also my time to catch up on chores and grocery shopping and the like, so I don’t really have the luxury today to just sit on the couch and do nothing. Maybe tonight, when everything else is done.

So what are you doing online then, you ask?

Ahm yes, good point.

I shouldn’t really be here either. But you know how it goes… you need to check your email real quick (because not checking your email for more than 2 hours is – waaaah! – impossible and possibly life-threatening. I know!) and then of course your eye catches a glimpse of your Google Reader which is overloaded with unread items (not that this alone would stress me out, but it’s so much more tempting to browse through your favorite blogs than, let’s say, mop the floors) and before you know it, 2 hours have passed without having gotten anything substantial done. Well, you know, anything substantial around the apartment anyway.

I have a few new blog ideas jotted down on my mental draft paper and I’ll be getting around to post something more meaningful eventually (instead of just pointlessly rambling on about not really having time to blog while this post accumulated close to 250 words already).

I guess I just wanted to say “Hi” and ahm yes, I am still alive.

Work it out weekends: healthy cooking

filed under: food, healthy living, recipe

workitoutweekends

One of my goals last week was to cook every single night (from scratch).

I made it sound like a huge goal, but to be honest, I am doing that pretty much most of the time and it’s not something I really have to force myself to do (unlike the water drinking – don’t ask!).

I might not always cook the healthiest way (because I do use cream and butter and such if the recipe calls for it – sue me!), but I always try to use fresh ingredients and always make sure that the portions are not humongous. Besides, those home-cooked meals beat any restaurant/fast food any day.
I also make sure there is always a good serving of vegetables in every meal (sometimes I even eat just vegetables for dinner). Also, we try to eat fish once a week, because fish is good for you!

By popular request, I’ll start sharing some of my favorite (and regular) recipes in my Work it out weekend-posts. Hopefully, you’ll try them out and let me know how you like them.

Today, I’ll share one of my absolute favorites, a salmon-dish that we make almost every week… super-easy and so tasty!

salmon

Baked Salmon

1 lb Salmon fillets
1 t Oregano, dried
2 cl Garlic – minced
Pepper to taste
2 Tomatoes – sliced
1 Onion – sliced
2 tb Parsley – chopped
1/4 c Dry bread crumbs
1 tb Vegetable oil

Spray shallow baking pan with non-stick coating. Place fish in baking pan and sprinkle with oregano, garlic and pepper. Layer with tomato, onion and parsley. Mix bread crumbs with oil and sprinkle on top of fillets. Bake at 450° F. for 20 minutes or just until fish flakes easily.

Serve with steamed rice. (We also like to make a small side salad (with balsamic vinegar dressing!) with it sometimes.) Enjoy!

And now peeps, share your favorite (healthy!) recipes with me!

Happy Self-Love Day, 2010!

filed under: about me, good things, love

Happy Valentine’s Day, lovelies!  While I like the romantic idea of today, I don’t buy into all the commercial crap that surrounds Valentine’s Day. Therefore, I started participating in Snackiepoo‘s Self-Love Day last year.
Four years ago, she declared that Valentine’s Day should officially be also known as Self-Love Day  and I digg it. I think it’s a good time to remind ourselves about what we’re worth to… yes, ourselves. Today is the day that we post a little something that we like about ourselves and ask others to reply with the same!

vday-girl2010

No more “how much do I love thees”… but rather ask yourself the question, “how much do I love ME?” Even if you have a special someone, take the time to think about yourself today. List your good qualities, have some positive perspective on who you are and treat yourself better than you ever have.

Here’s how the whole thing works:

1.) You’re gonna grab yourself a banner. If you don’t like the one I’ve used in this post, you can find another one here.

2.) You’re gonna post that banner and then tell us all something that you really like love about yourself (thus, the “self-love” portion of our program).

3.) Ask or beg your readers to post one thing that they too love about you!!! If your blog friends are nice, you shouldn’t have to beg…much.

4.) Enjoy yourself and spread the love by doing this on your blog!

So, here’s one thing I like about myself right now… I (would like to think of myself that I) am a  thoughtful person. I try to do little things to brighten your day – write you notes/emails, buy you a special little gift, give you a call,  ask how things are going in your life. I make it a point to not forget your birthday (even if you have forgotten mine in the past).  I send out little note-cards, just because. I’ll give out a compliment, not because I’d like to get one in return, but because I genuinely mean it. I’ll listen, if you need to vent. Whatever I can do to make your day a little better, I am here to do it.

Now it’s your turn: tell me what you like about me (this is the one time per year I can ask this without feeling too desperate, so comment away!). And also let me know what you like about yourself, either in your comment or by posting this on your own blog! I’d love to come over and let you know what I like about you!

Spread the love!

TGIF.

filed under: about me, crafts, weekend

{via weheartit.com}

There is nothing better than starting your weekend (early) by lounging around your apartment in your PJ’s on a Friday morning, you must agree. Especially if your weekend is going to be of the extra-long kind, what with having Monday off  as well due to President’s Day.

It almost feels like it’s a “snow day”, although it is in fact my regular day off, (I worked late, again, last night – thankyouverymuch), and the sun is actually shining today here in California. If it wasn’t for the still kind of chilly temperatures, I would say it’s almost springlike weather. Mmh, maybe I shouldn’t mention that, knowing that all of Germany is pretty much covered in snow right now.

I don’t have any big plans for the weekend, which translates into I’ll be spending a lot of my time crafting this weekend. I am determined to finally finish the cross-stitch project for my sister and also stamp/make a bunch of greeting cards. (Birthdays, many of them, are approaching fast! For almost every day in March, I know someone with a birthday. It’s insane really. Not that I am really sending a paper card to each and every one of them, but let’s just say, most of them. And if you recall, my goal is to personally hand-make every single birthday card this year.)

And then, I also started my crochet class with Amy this week, hence the yarn picture. It was a really fun first session and I am already looking forward to next week. Amy is an absolute gem and it was good to see her familiar face when I arrived for the class. Even though it was the first time we met, it was definitely like having someone that you already know by your side in this new endeavor. Ok, admittedly, it’s not a completely new endeavor for me (I’ve learned the basics of how to crochet back in Middle School and have completed some simple projects before), but a) I really wanted to take this class together with Amy and b) I also think that I’ll be learning many new things along the way. So, all is good :)

Have a great weekend! Any plans?

Work it out weekends: walking counts, right?

filed under: fitness, healthy living

workitoutweekends

The gym hasn’t seen too much of me this week. I swear, it seriously is a time issue. Sure, I could get up an hour earlier every morning to squeeze in some gym time, but since I am already getting up freakin’ early (5:30 a.m.), I really can’t.
However, I made it a point to take the bus to work and get in a 15 minute-walk across Campus to my office every morning. Walking counts, right?

I think (or I am trying to convince myself that) I made some progress with the water drinking issue. I’ve been better about taking a 32 oz. bottle of water to work (and almost finishing it!) every day before leaving the office! Go me! That is a huge accomplishment for someone who hates drinking water. I can only hope that I’ll be able to keep it up (it’s not like I haven’t tried before and failed miserably).

My goals for this next week:

  • Actually seeing the gym from the inside again.
  • Cooking fresh and healthy meals (from scratch!) every night.
  • Keeping “Operation Less Squishy” in focus and do some weights at the gym
    (I tend to just hang out on the cardio machines and maybe do a few crunches – I know that I can do better than that.)
  • Getting enough sleep.

I know, this last goal doesn’t quite fit in with “being active”, but I’ve learned about myself that I am less likely to get in a workout, when I am not only completely burned out from a long work day, but also didn’t get enough sleep in the first place. Therefore, I really have to make it a habit to be in bed by 10 p.m. (lights off!).
7,5 hours are the minimum amount of sleep I should get every night (possibly more on the weekends!).

How I can tell that my body was just “burned” this week? I slept away the whole Saturday. It rarely happens that I just sleep away a whole day, but when it happens, I know that I was seriously running on empty.

How did your week go? What are your goals for the coming week?

Happy Birthday, Kim!

filed under: friends, love

Today is my dear friend Kim‘s birthday! (Hop on over and leave her some love!)
I  hate that I can’t be there today to give her a hug and celebrate with her. Distance sucks! But it’s a real blessing to have friends that you can completely count and rely on – no matter how far they are away.

________________________

bearhug

Sweetie, I am sending you a huge virtual (big bear) hug and hope you had a very special day (and party last night!) I wish I could have been there to celebrate with you… maybe some day we’ll be able to do that! I hope this next year will only bring happiness and good luck to you! I miss you!  XOXO