theinbetweenismine

just a girl living the expat life

Where did the time go?

filed under: about me, Expat stories, Germany, my so-called life, USA

You guys, I am having a bit of a moment here. Yesterday was my California-versary. I arrived here for the first time on September 9, 2001. That was 20 years ago.

TWENTY!

It really doesn’t feel that long. I have almost lived here for as long as I lived in Germany. That seems so crazy to me. Time perception is such a weird thing.

Here’s a reminder for those who haven’t been around my corner of the Internet for that long and don’t know my background story; I came to the US as an exchange student, and what was supposed to be a 6-months visit ended up being the biggest life-changing decision of my life.

Yes, you’re also correct to notice that I arrived two days before 9/11, and I am so glad I did because I don’t think my exchange semester would have happened if my flight had been booked to arrive after 9/11 (the academic quarter didn’t start until the beginning of October and some other students from my university never made it over here). 

While studying abroad had been my dream for a long time, I distinctly remember wondering upon my arrival what the heck I had been thinking to come here all by myself. But, as we all know, pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone is always scary at first (and boy, was I pushing myself out of my comfort zone), but so very necessary for growth.

Sometimes I think it would have been “easier” to just stay in one place and not “rock the boat” with a move abroad (but who wants “easy”, amirite?). I think it was also a little less common back then than it is now for people to study or work abroad, and the fact that I followed my heart (and a guy attached to it, ha!) wasn’t something that people readily accepted.

I was a very shy and timid kid and nobody – least of all me – would have thought that I would ever up and move to another country. Not even temporarily, much less indefinitely. I’ve written about my story about how I ended up in the US before (you can read about it here) and I still have days where it’s utterly mind-boggling to me that I made that leap and that I am living my life abroad.

Moving away and putting an ocean between you and the people you care about is hard, so hard. You will quickly learn who stays in touch or actually follows through to come and visit and who fades away. Some people deal with this better than others, is what I am saying (and be ready to be surprised). But in retrospect, I feel like this move was less of a choice and more of an inevitability. It was an important opportunity for me to spread my wings. I gained (much needed) self-confidence and it taught me that I am much more resilient and independent than I’d have ever given myself credit for. I know now that I can do hard things.

In the beginning, when things are new and unfamiliar, you compare a lot. This is different in Germany and that is better in Germany. People keep asking you how things are different, or what’s better (or worse) where you live now. Over time, you stop doing the comparison game. Every place has good and bad things, you embrace the new culture and customs, and you might even take a more critical look at your home country. It’s all part of the process. Occasionally, you might feel smug about the fact that you are so lucky that you get to pick the best things from both worlds (three Christmas holidays, anyone?). But it’s still true that you can take the girl out of Germany, but you can’t take the German out of this girl.

After all this time here, it’s like I am still stuck somewhere in the middle. It becomes hard to answer the question of where your home is. For a while, that was very odd and confusing. It felt “wrong” to feel at home in two places. While I still call Germany home when I am here, I also call California home when I am in Germany. I know many immigrants and expats understand this feeling. The truth is, we’re always going to have our hearts split between two worlds now. And I think overall, that’s not a bad thing. Even when it’s hard sometimes, it’s also incredibly beautiful.

Seems like I chose the name for this blog wisely when I started writing here in 2004 because the phrase turned out to be fitting for someone with a heart split between two places.

A snapshot of my day | 8/10/2021

filed under: about me, daily life, recap

I stole this idea from Stephany (who adapted it from another blog friend) because it was a fun way to write a recap “day in the life”-style, which I haven’t done in a while.

Time I woke up: 6:00 a.m. Tuesdays are my run days and I usually get out for a 4-5 mile run around 6:30 am.

First thing I did upon waking: I turned off my alarm and got dressed for my run. I usually put everything out the night before so I don’t have to make any “decisions” in the morning and can just go. This is key to a successful workout routine in my opinion. Don’t even give your brain the chance to talk you out of it on a technicality (like clothing).

Today’s weather: Hot AF. 100F.

An out-of-the-ordinary thing that happened today: My project-lead and I had really productive work meeting with some colleagues from the East Coast, who are doing the same type of remote sensing work (change detection from SfM (structure-from-motion) aerial photography and LiDAR (light-detection-and-ranging) laser scan data) that we do. (Let me know if you want me to elaborate on what I do all day in a separate post – ha!)

Sometimes people in the science community can be a bit stand-offish, but these guys were super-responsive and very excited to exchange experiences and insights on our workflows and it’s been just so exhilarating to talk about our project with them.

Last thing I read (not on the Internet): A postcard from my nephew (he’s 11). (It says “when do we see each other again?)

Last thing I read (on the Internet): A remote sensing article.

Last website I visited: Google Maps (for work). Have I mentioned that I LOVE looking at maps?

Last show I watched: Schitt’s Creek. We’re almost finished with the series and need to look for a new series to watch. Any recommendations? Must be light-hearted and funny.

Last thing I said: “Enjoy your walk” (when Jon left for his afternoon walk).

Last thing I ate: oat crunch with strawberries.

What I was doing an hour ago: I was working on a dataset in Excel.

What I will be doing an hour from now: I’ll be making dinner. It’s German potato salad and kielbasa sausage tonight.

Current whereabouts of other members of the household: Jon is on his daily walk.

One thing I crossed off my to-do list today: I was evaluating a dataset that we received last week and had to write a summary for my co-workers about my findings of completeness, inconsistencies, questionable entries, and such.

It’s a bit tedious to write this all down, but I’ve gotten into the habit of keeping very detailed notes (in a searchable word document), so that I can always go back to tasks that I’ve done in the past and understand what I was working on and what kind of problems I ran into. You wouldn’t believe how valuable this kind of thing is when someone comes at you with a question for a project that you worked on 3 years ago (yes, that happened).

What was the last thing you ate and what out-of-the-ordinary thing happened to you this week?

Confessions

filed under: about me


photo credit: Stephanie Harvey via Unsplash

My blog friend Stephany posted her confessions the other day and it was such a fun, interesting read that I thought I’d hop on the bandwagon and share my own list of confessions. Are we good with that? Maybe it will make you want to share some of your own as well.

1) I am 100% a solo runner, which doesn’t mean I don’t love running with other people. Contradictory? Maybe, but not really. I know how other people always rave about running groups or running with a workout buddy, but I prefer to be in my own head when I run and do my own thing most of the time. I don’t want to talk and I don’t want to adjust to someone else’s pace. When I am in the zone, I just want to keep plugging away. I will happily make exceptions though when I get the chance to run with a friend.

2) I’ve never gotten my earlobes pierced (only my right auricle when I was 22). Sometimes I have earring-envy.

3) I don’t take baths. Ever. Well, maybe not ever, but it’s a very, very rare occurrence. It might have to do with the fact that I don’t have a fancy bathtub (which would probably change my mind a little), but it mostly has to do with the fact that I don’t enjoy sitting in hot water, waiting for my skin to shrivel up, while I could be doing other, more important things. I am usually a quick in-and-out-of-the-shower-kinda gal.  

4) If there is one thing I haven’t gotten tired of during the pandemic, it’s cooking and baking. I love preparing meals, trying new recipes, and knowing EXACTLY what goes in the pot. Going out to eat is fun, of course, but half of the time, we don’t know what we’re putting in our bodies.

5) I have yet to find an American pickle that meets my standards. The only kind I’ll eat is cornichons. I don’t know why the regular pickles are so different from German pickles, but if you tried a German pickle, you won’t go back. (Make sure they come out of the fridge, for some extra crunch!).

6) I do NOT believe that everything happens for a reason. There, I said it. I know, this phrase is happily applied to all kind of life situations and maybe sometimes it helps to think that way, especially if we can retrospectively talk ourselves into believing that something bad had to happen, so something better could come along, but I can truly not see any reason for horrible, debilitating illnesses and trauma that so many people experience.

7) I really like the idea of winding down with a glass of wine, but it always ends up being a cup of tea for me.

8) I love coffee shops, but I rarely go to one. We have had this new coffee shop literally around the corner from my house that opened before the pandemic hit and I’ve been there exactly once. I keep thinking of stopping by there after my Saturday morning run, but then I end up just going home and making my own coffee.

9) I got into a chat with the check-out clerk at Trader Joe’s last week and we talked about pandemic shopping habits. She asked if I was going to stick with the bi-weekly grocery run and I didn’t hesitate to reply with a resounding YES. (I am pretty convinced that I will, but I am reserving the right to change my mind.)

10) I am more of a judgmental person than I care to admit. I usually don’t share these opinions (or only with selected people), but four years of Trump and the pandemic have definitely uncovered that people (including me) can get pretty judgmental of each other in stressful situations. But then maybe, it’s human nature to be a little bit judgmental. What do you think? 

Which confession surprised you the most?

Who I am (at the moment)

filed under: about me, Who I am

Once upon a time, I used to share little glimpses into my brain on a regular basis. I thought it was time to maybe do that again. 

I am …

… loving my morning runs. If you recall, I ran in the mornings all through the last pandemic summer and then kinda stopped when the darker season started. I got my spin bike and only ran 1-2 times on the weekends when the weather permitted. Now that it’s light enough early again, I started running before work again and it’s just so, so nice out between 6-7 am! You should try it!

… thrilled that I was able to harvest my first batch of home grown lettuce this week. It’s only been 6 weeks since I planted the seeds but the weather has been so warm already that they sprouted and grew so fast. I can’t wait for the zucchini and tomato plants to start producing something.

… so excited that more and more people are getting vaccinated. Every time another pictures pops up on Social Media, I smile from ear to ear. I really think that this will get us back to a life that feels more normal and less scary. Keep this up, people!

… constantly on the lookout for new “projects”. I don’t know about you, but my brain always likes to be busy with one thing or another. I tend to get obsessed (in a healthy way, I think) with new ideas and new plans and then spend every free minute researching and learning about that “new thing” or putting it into action. It can be an organizational task (as I mentioned before I am tracking all our grocery purchases in a spread sheet this year), a challenge (I am doing a 365 Peloton streak), or learning a new hobby (like my new obsession with house plants). Does your brain work like that?

… cautiously hoping that someday I will get all of my gazillion of questions answered. Like, why is there no tuna pizza in this country? (I mean, seriously!) Or, why is it that when one person wins, another has to lose? I know, it’s a lot to ask, but there have to be answers. There must be answers, right?

… back on the reading bandwagon and so excited about it (let’s not jinx it by saying it too loud!).

… looking forward to seeing my mother-in-law this weekend for the first time in 18 months. Now that we’re all vaccinated, we felt safe having her come up for the weekend. 

Who are you at the moment?

Tuesday Topics | What I learned about myself during the pandemic

filed under: about me, Tuesday Topics

This week, I am linking up with  Kookyrunner and Zenaida  for Tuesday Topics and we’re talking about what I learned about myself during the pandemic.

Uh, we’re going deep, guys. I am sure the last 11 months have revealed some surprising – and maybe not so surprising – things about ourselves. 

I am a homebody, but I still miss going out.

Quarantine has been relatively easy for me. I love being at home. I am not somebody who has to be out and about all the time, but I do miss the freedom to decide to go somewhere or meet with someone whenever I want.

It takes me a long time to get bored at home.

As in, I have not gotten remotely bored during the restrictions. This is not to say that I haven’t been paralyzed (here and there) by the news – COVID- and politics-related – or that I don’t wish I could do things outside our home, but I have never been someone who goes stir crazy when stuck at home. I always find lots of fun and/or practical things I can fill my time with.

Two-week meal plans are just as easy as one-week meal plans.

I used to meal plan for one week and shop once a week. When the stay-at-home order hit, we decided to minimize the times we wanted to leave home and expose ourselves to the virus and switched to a bi-weekly shopping schedule. The big American fridges (ours is actually on the smaller side – ha!) can just about hold enough groceries for two weeks and it’s been working out great. I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to shopping weekly. 

I am adaptable.

Well, that’s not really something new I learned about myself. I knew that I am able to adapt to new situations, but I am surprised how little discomfort it has caused me. I had days in the beginning (and still now sometimes) where I felt tired and drained by *everything*  that was going on, but it was more the mental aspect of the unknown and not so much the physical aspect of our new situation. 

I can be very judgmental.

I usually go by the motto “live and let live” and don’t really care about how other people live their lives, but I realized that during the pandemic, I am pretty judgmental when I see people not abide by the rules: social distancing, mask wearing, not gathering in groups, all that good stuff. It seems so easy to me to do these things to keep everyone as safe as possible.

We’re in this mess that we’re in because people feel that they can just go about their damn day without considering other people around them, and while I know that I only have control about what I personally decide to do (or not do), it upsets me that we’re having this uphill battle (for months now!) because people don’t listen to the scientists. People complain about the stay at home orders and restrictions, but what it comes down to is personal responsibility and I think we could be in a better spot if people could sit tight for a little while and don’t insist on traveling and eating out and gathering in groups during a pandemic.

I really like working from home.

I never thought that this was something I wanted to do, but working from home has “slowed down” my everyday life considerably, and I kinda like that. I am not rushing out the door early in the morning. I’ve enjoyed going for early morning runs (or just hop on my spin bike) and then be able to shower and just plop down in front of the computer, instead of getting all ready and grab all my stuff to head to the office (and I don’t even have a long commute!).

I don’t *think* I am saying that I’d want to work from home forever, but a part-time work-from-home schedule would be nice.

What have you learned about yourself during the pandemic?