Marathon reflections

One year ago today, I ran my first (and so far, only) marathon. I can’t believe it’s ALREADY been a whole year. I can’t believe it’s ONLY been a year. Time perception is peculiar, but then again, this year has been such a blur that I am not surprised the marathon feels both distant in the past and almost like yesterday at the same time. 

I always wanted to write a post (besides the race recap) and reflect on the experience. Some people had asked if it was a “one and done” situation for me or if I would run another marathon in the future. It was pretty clear to me that this hadn’t been the first and last time. I wanted to do this again.

When the start of the new training cycle for the CIM approached earlier this summer, I seriously contemplated training again. I had missed the window to register for the race (and the race was sold out). Still, I thought that maybe I could snatch a bib during the “bib exchange” window (tons of people sign up and then transfer their bibs before the race). I eventually decided against it for two main reasons: a) I was afraid that I would start training and then NOT get into the race, and b) I remembered from last year that it was just as much a mental commitment, as it was a time commitment, and I had to be honest with myself and accept that mentally, I didn’t feel up for that volume of training and the time commitment.

I wasn’t sure what other surprises the second half of the year would bring for me, professionally and in my private life. I was grieving the loss of my mother-in-law and my friend. The work situation continued to be challenging. There was a celebration of life that needed to be planned, an estate to take care of (still ongoing), and my parents were coming to visit for three weeks (and I knew that keeping up a training schedule wouldn’t have been impossible, but challenging). Since I felt pretty burned out from this year already (with more hiccups coming for the federal workforce), I prioritized my sanity and well-being over ambition.

It’s ok. I am having a little FOMO today, but I also know that it was the right decision. With everything going on this year, adding marathon training into the mix would just not have been a smart move. I will say, though, that looking back, I really enjoyed marathon training and, while it was hard at times, I keep thinking in my head that I do want to commit to the training again, especially after cheering on other runners yesterday. I was once again so excited to see so many inspiring runners take on the distance. One of my coworkers was running the relay, and I tracked a couple more runners that I know through social media. I also saw the 4:05 pacer, the same guy who got me off to a great race start last year. I would be lying if I said that my feet weren’t itching to race again.

Running a marathon is not about a finish line, not really. It is about the months you spent training, pushing yourself, and learning to listen to your body. To decide what is pain and what is just discomfort. I enjoyed the structure, the ups and downs of training (they teach you a lot), and the fact that slowly but surely I started seeing improvements, and started to believe that I could actually accomplish that goal. And you will also question everything – including your own sanity – in the process. I asked myself more than once why I was putting myself through this, but it’s about the promise you made to yourself and the realization: I can do hard things!

The training is the real commitment, not the race. The race is just the cherry on top.