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The intricacy of friendship

August 15, 2019 filed under: Expat stories, friends, this and that


Photo by Julie Johnson on Unsplash

My blog friend Charlotte wrote an interesting blog post about cutting ties with friends the other day and it stirred something up in me that I had thought and wanted to write about before, but which I never put on (digital) paper. 

To get a better base line, go read her post and then come back here. I’ll wait.

Good. So, Charlotte (in a nutshell) wrote about a friend who was basically acting passive-aggressive towards her and then demanded that they could be friends on her terms or not at all, and that’s when Charlotte decided that it might be time to cut ties, because that relationship was way too draining and emotionally stressful to invest in any further. 

If you’re basically asked to do as you’re told, if someone puts demands on your time and emotional availability above all else, and claims that otherwise you’re not a good friend; that’s not friendship.

embrace friendships for what they are.

What her blog post made me think about though was the fact that friendships (can) come in many different shapes and forms and that they can only thrive if we’re willing to embrace them for what they are.

There are different levels of friendship and, in my book, they’re are all worthwhile. In fact, I think they are integral to our wellbeing. 

You know how they say that you partner can meet many, but not ALL your needs? I think that is true in friendships too. 

Let's talk about the intricacy of friendship Click To Tweet

I think problems arise only if one person sees the relationship differently or would like the relationship to be more than the other person. It’s hard to accept when you realize that you’re not completely on the same page on how you want your friendship to operate.

The question is: can you accept the friendship for what it is or are you willing to destroy it by demanding more? Because pressuring someone, in my experience, has never done any good, when you’re actually hoping to be closer to someone. It happens naturally or it doesn’t. 

I have been on the receiving end of friendships being cut short because I think I was hoping for more than the other person was willing – or able – to give. That happens, even on the most basic, beginner levels of friendship. And that’s ok. You move on. Hopefully, there are other people to step into that void that want the same from their relationship with you as you want from them. Sometimes, it can be a delicate balance, but it can also be an opportunity to accept a relationship for what it is and still find value in it.

In Charlotte’s case, texting and lunch was not enough for the other person. I have plenty of friends that I have lunch with and occasionally text with and I am perfectly happy with the relationship as is (and I’d like to believe that they’re too). And to be honest, isn’t that what (many) friendships are in adulthood? Keeping taps on each other’s lives via text/social media and the occasional lunch or dinner? We are all stretched thin with our time and the demands that are put on us that it’s hard to keep up with everything. Who has time – and brain space – to hang out all the time? 

With my moving halfway around the world, most of my friends are now scattered around the globe and our connections, while still unbreakable, are impacted by busy schedules, grown-up responsibilities, different time zones, and a gazillion miles. Sometimes, weeks pass without real conversation and my only glimpse into their lives is a post on Instagram or an email WhatsApp message.

Consider yourself lucky if you have people close by that you can actually physically get together with more than once a year! 

be open and accepting of life’s circumstances.

And for the friends that are close by, remember that even if you’re not super-close with someone, every friendship has value and something to offer. As mentioned above, it’s unrealistic to think that a friendship – even a close one –  will meet all of your needs, but it will meet some needs and you should always, always be thankful for the connection, no matter how big or small. It should never be taken for granted. What I find most important is to be open and accepting of life’s circumstances. Don’t let the door on friendship close because of one thing that rubbed you the wrong way. 

I have a lot of friends that I connect with on one level, but not on another and that is totally ok.  Of course, I also have a couple of rare friends that I connect with on (almost) every level. Those are the really special friendships in your life. But, I’d dare say that is not the norm. Just because we only connect on certain levels, doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends. In fact, it possibly means that we very likely will be friends.

Obviously I cherish my close friendships most deeply (as most people do!), but I also really value the looser kind of  friendships I have kept with people over the years. Even if I only talk (or email) with someone twice a year, it means something to me. 

friendships ebb and flow.

If I have learned one valuable lesson over time, it’s that friendships ebb and flow. It’s normal and it’s something that you have to accept as part of life, not as something that reflects negatively on your friendship. There will be times when you’re in each other’s lives a lot and times when you aren’t. 

I have friends that I’ve only known for a couple of years and some that I’ve known for 20+ years, some go back to Kindergarten and Elementary School. It’s impossible to keep up with everybody all of the time and with some, there were years where we didn’t really communicate much at all, but what all these friendships have in common is that neither side ever assumed that the friendship was over just because we didn’t talk for a while, and that both sides were willing to pick up where we left off when the tides of life changed in our favor again. 

Yes, sometimes friendship demands patience. Yes, sometimes it demands accepting that we’re not always getting what we want (I wish I would communicate more often with some of my friends than is currently the case), but if we can accept the moment that we’re in, not make assumptions on the status of our friendships based on how often we talk or see each other, but trust in the bond that we have and be open for anything the other person is willing and able to give at any given moment, then our hearts should be full and happy.

8

Hello 2019.

January 10, 2019 filed under: this and that

{via unsplash.com}

Oh hey, it’s 2019.

In all honesty, I haven’t had the mental space to wrap my head around yet another ‘new year’. It surprises me, every time, that it just was Christmas and bam, another year is gone.
While I usually look forward to the time between Christmas and New Year’s as a time of slow-down, reflection, and anticipation, it has also brought more nostalgia and melancholy in recent years.

I am pretty convinced that it has to do with multiple factors: a) we haven’t been with family for the holidays in a few years, b) my niece and nephew are growing like weeds, and c) time just seems to pass by so damn fast that I always feel like a couple of steps behind these days.

I usually like the idea of a new year, a blank slate. New goals, new ideas, new possibilities. But then this happens: look, here we are and I am welcoming the new year and it’s already January, 10 and we’re 1/3 of the way through the month.

On top of that, I should be sitting at my desk at work right now, but as you might know, I am a federal employee, currently furloughed with the partial shutdown going on day 20. What better way to use my unexpected ‘free time’ as to ruminate about past, present, and future, am I right?

I don’t know what 2019 has in store for us. I am planning to post a list of goals next week, as I did last year, but part of me is afraid to make too many plans because what if none of it actually happens?

I know, I know, there is a lot I can do to make it happen, but last year, I had some of my goals thrown off and I felt kind of defeated there for a while… but then again, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t make any goals in the first place. Goals are good. I thrive on goals and I know it.

So, let’s do this, 2019. I am ready (or trying hard to be).

19

11: Letters to the universe

November 11, 2017 filed under: lists!, NaBloPoMo, this and that

Last year, I jumped on the bandwagon and posted these little snippets to the universe. Don’t we all just have to put something out there sometimes?

Dear cancer – sorry for being blunt, but could you please f**k off? You’ve been bothering too many of my friends lately and I really don’t appreciate it.

Dear rain – we waited for you and welcome you, but please just bring a manageable amount to California this winter. We need you and are happy that you’re here, but we mostly want you as snow in the Sierras as a snowpack that will last into spring. Kthxbye.

Dear digital library  – could you please not have ALL the books I have on hold become available at the same time? Awesome.

Dear creativity – nice to see you again. I’ve missed you.

Dear Universe – thank you for some good health news in my family. I am breathing a sigh of relief.

Dear November – it would be terrific if you could just take your sweet time. I am not quite ready for the holidays, which I love and anticipate, but I haven’t quite wrapped my mind around the fact that we’re 8 weeks away from 2018. That’s just crazy.

Dear fall – stay a while. It’s been lovely to have you around with sunshine and cooler temperatures. I’m looking forward to more fall runs and walks around the neighborhood.

Dear body – thank you for being healthy and strong. I appreciate that you haven’t given me too much trouble (just the occasional little ache or pain, which I can deal with). I am so happy that you enjoy our Sunday morning runs and that you’re willingly put up with my crazy schedule.  I promise I try to treat you well this holiday season and not overeat on Christmas cookies.

Dear senators and representatives with a bit of common sense left – please do everything in your power to protect the people of America from this ridiculous administration. The last year has been so, so hard to watch and I am just so afraid of further damage that could be done to this country. Please put party politics aside and use your voice for the people that you represent. That is yourjob, and your only job, so do it right.

What letters would you like to put out into the universe today?!

13

Thinking Out Loud #8

October 12, 2017 filed under: Thinking out loud, this and that

I am just coming off a three day weekend and have not managed to blog. So there is that. At least, I can try and throw a little update together. You’d like that, right?.

+ I had planned to publish the first road trip recap post this week, but I think this will have to wait until next week (hoping that I’ll get around to writing this weekend). Do you ever have all these grand plans for writing and then nothing happens? Yeah, me too.

Instead, I cleaned our house and grocery-shopped and did laundry and all the things that you have to do after your normal routine has been thrown off by traveling (but it was so worth it, no complaining here!)

+ Sadly, we had to say farewell to baseball season last weekend (the Red Sox didn’t make it through the playoffs and as of yesterday, John Farrell is gone, which makes me sad. He was a good manager and I liked him as a person.).

+ I received news yesterday that my bff’s cancer is back and I just about had it with the cancer news from friends. My bff has been dealing with this brain tumor for the last 9 years and it’s just so incredibly unfair. I am a bit scared and frankly a little pissed off, but also can’t help to be incredibly positive and hopeful that she’ll beat this sucker once again. What else could I even think right now?

+ My heart is breaking in a million little pieces lately with all the natural disasters wreaking havoc on all different parts of the country. Right now it’s ‘our turn’ here in California with catastrophic wildfires in Napa and Sonoma counties and the foothills. So many homes have burned down, so many people have been evacuated, some have lost their lives. It was super-smokey yesterday morning when I drove to work. I just don’t know what do with all the bad news right now. I feel really unsettled lately.

+ On a positive note, I had a couple more orders from my Etsy shop and I guess, I should be gearing up a little bit for the holiday season. It’s been fun to make cards again. 

What’s a random thought on your mind today?

I am linking up with Amanda from Running with Spoons for Thinking Out Loud.

28

Hello October

October 3, 2017 filed under: about me, this and that

Whew. September flew by in the blink of an eye, and here we are in October. This officially feels like the first month of fall (although we’re still enjoying some pretty warm temperatures over here). Part of me doesn’t want to let a great summer go, but part of me is ready for fall. I guess, it’s good to have a love for all seasons, so saying goodbye to one is never that hard because I am usually also looking forward to the next one.

+ I started off this month with a weekend in San Francisco to enjoy the last couple of days with B + M before they headed back home to Europe. They picked the perfect time to come to California because September usually has the best weather. There was no cloud in sight, it was a comfortable 70+ degrees and we got unobstructed views of the Golden Gate Bridge. 

+ Our visitors have now left and even though I was sad to see them go, I am looking forward to a bit more of a normal routine again. These last three weeks were a whirlwind. I’ll be working on some recaps of my recent travels for the blog, so stay tuned.

+ October is a busy birthday month! I know so many October babies! It’s J’s birthday on the 18th! I am hoping we’ll do something fun for his birthday. He shares his birthday with my friend Susi and then it’s also my Mom’s birthday (today!), my niece’s (on the 21st), my godson’s (on the 5th) and two of my aunts’ birthdays (the 26th and 27th) this month and I wish, as always, that I could hug them and celebrate with all of them.

+ Last year around this time, my parents were here and I took them to the Paul McCartney concert at the Golden One Center for my Mom’s birthday. I can’t believe it’s been a year! It was such a great time having them here.

+ My workout schedule was a little “messed up” due to my travel and another half marathon last month, but I am looking forward to getting into a regular routine again. Why is it always so hard to get back into your regular routine after some time off?

+ Las Vegas. What can I say? I don’t have any words left for these kinds of happenings anymore. Not because they don’t shock me anymore; they do! But honestly, if I read one more “pray for Vegas” post, I am going to throw a tantrum. Praying won’t help any of the victims anymore. Something needs to change in this country. We obviously can’t control people, so how about we control guns? Just a thought. 

What’s going on with you in October?

16

Thinking Out Loud #6

September 14, 2017 filed under: Thinking out loud, this and that

It’s another Thursday and I am linking up with Amanda from Running with Spoons for Thinking Out Loud for some random thoughts again!

+ Last Saturday was my Californi-aversary. It’s been 16 years since I came to California for an exchange semester and then practically never left (I mean, besides flying back and forth for some visa adjustments for a few years, ha).  Blame it all on this guy. It’s crazy to me how fast these years flew by, they almost feel like a blink of my eye and here we are 16 years later.

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{source}

 

+ Last year around this time, I flew to Vegas to meet up with one of my oldest friends, Cathy from Australia. When I mentioned it to J, he couldn’t believe that it has already been a year. Once again, where does the time go?

+ Yay, I got my Stumptown Coffee this week. Is anyone else as excited about coffee deliveries?

+ I’ve been pretty worried about all my friends in Florida the last few days, but everybody seems to be okay (which is a huge relief). The wind and flood damage in parts of the state seems to be significant, especially in the Florida Keys, but I am hoping that people will come together to support the relief efforts. I’ve already donated – again – to the Red Cross.

+ I’m off work today (for the next five days) to explore some National Parks with my cousin + his girlfriend and I am beyond thrilled. It’s going to be so much fun. I could really use the time off too. So, it’s probably also a little quiet over here for a little while, because I didn’t plan ahead and didn’t schedule any posts.  Follow me on Instagram in the meantime. See you next week!

What’s a random thought on your mind today?

10

Thinking Out Loud #5

September 7, 2017 filed under: Thinking out loud, this and that

+ I had planned to write a Labor Day Weekend recap, but honestly, there wasn’t much to recap (because we didn’t do anything exciting, besides enjoying a very laid-back weekend), so the few little highlights I will mention here.

+ It was super-smoky/hazy in Sacramento last weekend, mostly due to the wildfires around the state, and on top of that we were still in the middle of a heat wave. Except for running the usual errands on Saturday and my long run Sunday morning, I tried to stay indoors and stay cool.

+ I did stop by the Fleet Feet Labor Day Sale on Saturday though hoping for a steal on some new marked down running shoes, but no such luck. I stocked up on some Nuun and Honeystinger Waffles instead and got some 50% arm warmers for the fall (whenever fall decides to show up around here).

+ On Sunday, I found a baby squirrel on my long run. I didn’t want to put a picture here (the newborns look pretty fragile), but if you want to know what they look like… don’t you agree that they almost look like little puppies? Its eyes were closed and it didn’t have much fur to speak of yet, it could have only been a few days old, but it was breathing and trying to move around. No Mama-Squirrel was nearby. I knew that I couldn’t just leave it there to die (I think I have watched one too many episodes of Bandit Patrol), but I also didn’t have anything with me to pick it up and I was pretty much halfway out from my run, so I decided to finish my run and then come back with the car and a cardboard box to rescue the baby squirrel. I knew I was taking a  chance of it dying in the meantime, but what could I have done? Sadly, when I returned about 35 minutes later, it had indeed died and I am so heartbroken. I wish there was something I could have done, but I don’t think it would have made it either way.

When I told my Mom, she laughed and reminded me that as a kid, I had always picked up animals and birds in the woods behind our neighborhood and took them to our vet next door. No surprise that I wanted to become a vet for a long time. Have you ever rescued a wild animal? Did it survive?

+ I haven’t been very creative lately, but in the wake of Hurricane Harvey, I designed some #texasstrong cards for my Etsy shop. My friend Dina, the other half of our shop, lives in Houston and while she was lucky that she didn’t have to evacuate, my heart breaks for her city. All proceeds will go towards Texas flood relief efforts.

+ I had a pretty rough night on Monday. Do you ever lie awake and think about all the things happening in the world? The what-ifs in your life? I think about events that (apparently) I still haven’t completely let go off. I think about things that I wish were different. Man, I hate when I do that. I mean, why? It made me feel awful and I tossed and turned the rest of the night. Let’s just say that the next morning I didn’t feel exactly rested and I had an early morning workout on my schedule. At least, running my heart out made me feel normal again.

I am linking up with Amanda from Running with Spoons for Thinking out Loud again.

9

Our 4th of July weekend

July 7, 2017 filed under: this and that, weekend

We I always make big plans for long weekends and then we end up hanging out at home and enjoying a nice, laid-back weekend instead. I am not complaining. Coffee in the backyard, reading, running, walking in the park, movies. It was perfect.

I ran our usual errands on Saturday and then we watched ‘I love you, man’ with Paul Rudd and Jason Segel. We needed something light and entertaining. I realized halfway through the movie that I had seen it before. Womp. Does that ever happen to you? It was still funny.

Sunday morning, I got up early super-early for my long run (12 miles). 

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I needed to beat the heat and make it to the Farmers Market and back before 11 a.m. I wanted to be back home for the FIFA Confederations Cup final between Germany and Chile and it all worked out beautifully. I sat in front of the TV freshly showered and with big cup of coffee right on time for kick-off. It was a good game and Germany had mostly new, young players in the starting lineup. They struggled a bit in the first half (even though this is when they scored their only goal), but it was still impressive to see how the defeated an excellent Chilean team to win the championship 1:0!

I read my book (This is how it always is by Laurie Frankel) in the afternoon and also took a 2-hour nap (because why not?).

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I also made some coconut-cream-strawberry-popsicles on Monday (I found the basic recipe on my friend Erin’s blog, ‘The Speckled Palate’). You only need four ingredients, it’s super-easy and quick to make and so freakin’ delicious! You should give this a try!


I had to run out to Target last-minute though, because I didn’t realize that we – apparently – didn’t own popsicle molds anymore until I had everything ready to go in the freezer. (I could have sworn I used to have some at some point, but they were nowhere to be found). But man, you wouldn’t believe how difficult it is to find popsicle molds in the middle of summer. SMH.

For the 4th, we had plans to meet up with a friend, but that fell through last minute, so we stayed home, hung out in the backyard,  made turkey burgers and then watched baseball (Red Sox vs. Texas Rangers).

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Seems like July always starts off with injury for me now, as I bumped my toe last year and had to stop running for a few days and now I’ve been experiencing some, what I think is tibialis anterior tendinitis pain in my right ankle for the last few days. It’s very intermittent and only temporarily painful, but it’s particularly inconvenient right now as I have not one, but two races coming up this month.

Now what do I do? Ice? Heat? Rest? See a physio? All of the above? I really need this to be taken care of at least for my half later this month. I am already anticipating – with a heavy heart – that I might have to accept a DNS* at my 10k race tomorrow.

I hope you all had a nice holiday weekend. Did you do something fun?


*did not start (the runner was signed up, but did not start the race because of injury or other reasons)

15

Hello July

July 3, 2017 filed under: about me, my so-called life, this and that


BAM. It’s July. Are you ready for this? Summer is here in full force and we’ve already battled the first heatwave a couple of weeks ago with temperatures up to 107°F/43°C. Ugh. Not my personal favorite, I hope the rest of the summer (mainly July and August) will be a little bit more pleasant.  I know, I realize where I live and that I can’t complain too much, but maybe a little?

Here’s what’s going on in July:

+ When this post goes up, I’ll be enjoying a long 4th of July weekend. I worked last Friday and took today off, so I could have an extra-long weekend (and a short work week!). It’s all about good planning, people!

+ This weekend started out with temperatures in the low 90’s and it’s supposed to stay this way for the next few days. I’ll take that!

+ Germany won the FIFA Confederations Cup against Chile yesterday. This is particularly noteworthy as they won this tournament mostly with young, up-coming new players (I assume partly in preparation for the World Cup next year). It was very exciting to watch! The Confederations Cup “is contested by the holders of each of the six (UEFA, CONMEBOL, CONCACAF, CAF, AFC, OFC) regional championships, along with the current FIFA World Cup holder [Germany] and the host nation [Russia], to bring the number of teams up to eight” (Wikipedia). 

+ I have two races on my calendar this month: I’ll run the Davis Moo-nlight Run again next weekend and then the SF half marathon (for the second time) later this month. Very exciting!

+ I need to get one of those triangle-sunshade canopies for our backyard patio (because we get quite a bit of sun there during the day, although in the late afternoon our backyard tree nicely shades our patio area as well), so we can sit out there more this summer!

What’s going on in your life in July?

2

Here and there

May 22, 2017 filed under: this and that, travel

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Hello strangers. I am back from my overseas trip and – as always – am incredibly emotionally jetlagged. The general feeling of “blah, what am I doing here?” has yet to completely fade away and this always translates into a rather sluggish re-entry into my routine and daily life here in CA. I know from past experience that this will get better, but the first few days…? Tough shit.

I did have the best time though, and I am happy to report that I almost checked everything off my Germany bucket list. Sometimes, I just run out of time, but it worked out well this time, despite the fact that this was a rather short overseas trip for me (I usually try to go for at least two weeks what with the long flight and all.)

I didn’t make it to the downtown market with my Mom on Saturday morning (bummer!), but I got to attend one of my nephew’s soccer football matches instead, which was a special treat. I’ll take it.

I’ve been trying to catch up on you guys’ blogs over the last few days, but it’s been a bit overwhelming, to be honest. My Feedly reader had 1000+ unread blog posts upon my return and I had to make the tough decision to skip anything older than 2 weeks. I hope you forgive me. I usually hate doing that (because what if I miss something really important?), but for my own sanity, I had to be brave this time.

I hope May has been treating you well so far.
I’ll be back with some recaps and regular posting pretty soon!

13

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Hi, I am San – German native, dual-citizen living in beautiful Northern California. Runner. Knitter. Crafter. Reader. Writer. Proud aunt, sister, and friend.

I’ve been blogging since 2004 and don’t intend to stop any time soon. If you are looking for personal content and making a  genuine connection, you’ve come to the right place.

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