photo credit: @glencarrie via Unsplash
January felt like a year long. And I am not going to lie, it was a rough month. Not what I was expecting at the start of 2025. I really wanted to get back to writing here regularly, writing about positive things and finding joy in the in-between, but man, this last month zapped my energy in multiple ways.
The first three weeks were hard because as I mentioned, Jon and I both were sick upon our return from Germany and I was feeling lousy for about two weeks. Then we went down to Southern California to spend 10 days with Jon’s mom (after her hospital stay in Europe). She’s is doing… alright. We returned back home on Friday. She wanted us to stay even longer but I didn’t feel that she really needed our help, just wanted the company (which I completely understand). I was happy to help out and I hope she continues to recover from whatever it is she’s dealing with, but I felt that I had to get back home for my own sake. It’s still not completely clear to me and it might be a multitude of things. I think part of it is that she’s feeling her age and she’s also been through a lot in the last couple of years (Jon’s dad’s death, a cancer diagnosis, chemo and immunotherapy).
And then there were the last two weeks since the inauguration. I don’t even know what to say about them.
Look, I understand that people don’t want to get political but man, I hope they are paying attention and do have something to say in private about what is happening to this country. We’re all in for a wild ride.
I am usually a very optimistic person, always looking for the silver-linings, but right now it is not easy to be optimistic. Everything in the news is terrible and I am worried about so many things at once. I have a lot of opinions which I won’t share here right now because I can barely form a coherent thought these days but I don’t think I need to emphasize what an absolute sh*tshow this is.
What irks me most is the fact that so many people seem to just go about their days as if nothing is happening. Well, maybe nothing is happening to them personally yet, but for government workers, things have been very stressful to say the least. I am not sure if you’ve been following the news (I am trying to be selective in news consumption myself these days) and are aware what the administration is doing to the federal workforce, but agencies have been targeted, put down, threatened, and taken over by an unelected billionaire with nobody stopping him.
You might not realize it but we ALL rely heavily on government services. Is the government perfect? No. Are there things that could be improved? Always. But bipartisan career civil servants work hard every day to serve the public – let me just say, they’re not in it for the money because they could earn much more in the private sector – and are not the low productivity workers that they’re made out to be. I am not going to link any articles (although I bookmarked many), but if you haven’t been following the news, now might be a good time to tune in. If Tr*mp and M*sk keep dismantling and undermining the government agencies and if we *waving hand around to mean all of us* let this go on and decide to do nothing, I am afraid that very soon, you will very much feel the consequences, too, in may areas of your lives.
On a lighter note, I’ll be participating in Elisabeth’s F.I.G. Collective – Finding Joy in Gratitude this February where I will (be trying to) find something positive in every day. This will be an exercise in keeping my sanity this month. You can look forward to a weekly roundup later this week.
NGS
February 5, 2025 at 11:36 amI’m so sorry, San. People who think none of this will impact them are fooling themselves. Chinese tariffs are going to increase prices of basic necessities of life. If the Department of Education is closed, children will lose essential services, including access to special education and accommodations in public schools. Important health information is being stripped off websites. Governmental funding of important scientific research, including health and climate change research, is being pulled. We are threatening the sovereignty of other countries (!) and that is a call to war. I am with you, friend. It’s dark days.
San
February 7, 2025 at 8:08 pmYeah, dark indeed. I am glad you see it too.
Nicole MacPherson
February 5, 2025 at 12:34 pmI was thinking of you when I saw – not going to speak names – deciding that certain government departments must “die” and that certain department deciding to seize sensitive and personal information, and honestly, I felt physically ill. And I’m not even in your country! Nor will I be – my husband and I just cancelled a trip that we were going to take, we were going to road trip and go hiking in the Canyonlands, but after all this stuff that the government has said about Canada, we decided not a penny will go to tourism in the US. It’s disturbing on so many levels. It’s like “the US against the whole world” which is alarming to say the least. Anyway, I have to basically meditate and deep breathe after just reading news headlines. I mean, I have sons who are military age, and I have so much anxiety just thinking about the possible things that could happen, oh god.
Anyway. I am really sorry about your MIL. That sounds like a rough go. When you said she was hospitalized I assumed it had to do with her cancer, but it sounds like maybe that’s not the case. Life can be very hard for older people (well, for all people, but older people can feel isolated/ alone/ ill/ weak). I hope whatever it is starts to resolve. Does Jon work remotely? Could he possibly spend a few days with her every few weeks or something? I have no idea how close you are to her so I don’t even know if that’s possible, but I hope things resolve on that front anyway.
San
February 7, 2025 at 8:13 pmThanks for commiserating, friend. I don’t blame you for not wanting to travel to the U.S. parks and spending money here. I know many people who have changed their plans when he who should not be named was elected. It’s just all so outrageous and a new “emergency” every day.
Well, and the situation with my MIL… I believe that the hospitalization in the UK has indirectly to do with her cancer treatment and immunotherapy, although she finished up immunotreatment in November. It’s hard for her to bounce back right now. She’s in southern California, so 300+ miles away and traveling down there is hard right now with all the changes that are coming at my work place. Jon could go down and be withher but he and her have a bit of a strained relationship so he’d prefer for me to be there, but I am sure he’d go if push comes to shove.
Birchie
February 5, 2025 at 2:22 pmHey friend, I’m sending you love and good thoughts <3
San
February 7, 2025 at 8:14 pmThanks so much, Birchie. Appreciated!
Suzanne
February 5, 2025 at 2:23 pmSan, I’m sorry this year has started off so poorly for you. Between the extended illness and worrying about Jon’s mom and the constant anxiety about the world — that’s a LOT to shoulder. Every day, there’s something newly troubling in the news and I feel so helpless.
San
February 7, 2025 at 8:14 pmMe, too, Suzanne. Me, too. I am trying to take things one day at a time.
Ernie
February 5, 2025 at 2:48 pmGetting sick, and having it last for 2 weeks, in January really was a crappy way to start off the new year. Couple that with your MIL needing you and the up and down with the government/government employment . . . it’s no wonder that you are stressed. I’m sorry. Here’s hoping things become lighter in February.
San
February 7, 2025 at 8:15 pmThank you, Ernie. I am hoping that February will be better, even if just a little bit.
Elisabeth
February 5, 2025 at 4:09 pmSometimes it really does feel like everything in life crashes down and, frankly, right now it feels like everything in the WORLD is crashing down.
I don’t know what to do as a Canadian. My niece is having a baby in the US and I want to go down (and likely will eventually), but I also – like Nicole – would prefer to send my tourism and other dollars elsewhere.
Where will things end? No one knows, I suppose, but it feels like any day could bring cataclysmic news or events and that’s a very hard place to be living life.
Sending hugs for you, Jon, and your MIL. I hope your own mom has fully recovered, as well. What a tough start to 2025 :(
San
February 7, 2025 at 8:16 pmYes, the WORLD is crashing down… upheaval everywhere. Ugh. I totally understand that you also don’t want to travel to the US right now. I wouldn’t.
All we can do is take one day at a time and hope for some reasonable people to step in.
J
February 5, 2025 at 4:18 pmYou know, even without the government coup attempt, this would be a crummy start to the year. I’m sorry for the illness, sorry about your MIL, all of it. And the politics! ARGH! It’s horrific. I’m making phone calls, but generally feel so helpless. When I see FB posts from Alt National Park Service, I think of you and other Federal government employees.
San
February 7, 2025 at 8:17 pmAltNPS is such a good source of information and action. And I’ve sent mails and made calls too, just to feel that I am doing SOMETHING.
Ali
February 5, 2025 at 7:53 pmI’m with you on the horror of recent political events and fear for our future. It is upsetting the way that many blogs/people seem to ignore it. Are they try not to upset people? Or do they truly not see the danger!?
San
February 7, 2025 at 8:19 pmAli, thank you for stopping by and chiming in… I have a hard time with people who don’t say anything at this point. What a privilege.
ccr in MA
February 6, 2025 at 7:24 am“I can barely form a coherent thought these days” is exactly where I am right now, too. Like, my brain stalls out when I try to look at what’s happening.
San
February 7, 2025 at 8:20 pmYup.
Natka
February 6, 2025 at 8:16 amHi San – I usually stay far away from politics and minimize reading news – but I am paying attention and I am hopping mad. I keep hoping that there will be some voice of reason somewhere, that the “checks and balances” supposed to protect our society and prevent the abuse of power will actually work. Nope.
It’s stupid to wait for the “knight on a white horse” to come to our rescue. It’s kind of up to use, the people.
One of my husband’s colleagues compares the current political situation to Cultural Revolution.
Dear Canadians reading this blog – I am so sorry. I can’t believe we put this incompetent mini-tyrant and all his cronies in charge of our country.
San
February 7, 2025 at 8:21 pmThanks for stopping by and chiming in, Natka. It is maddening and I definitely feel helpless but I try to do what I can (currently just trying to send mails/make calls and share information).
Lisa's Yarns
February 6, 2025 at 9:47 amJanuary has been extra rough for you! Your MIL has been through a lot so I can understand why her recovery is prolonged. It’s tough to be on the other side of the state from her.
I’ve been so livid about the news. I need to follow the news for my job since I talk about growth and inflation expectations and things like tariffs very much impact those things, as does attempting to lay off millions of people without considering the impact to the government’s ability to effectively run. It’s maddening!
San
February 7, 2025 at 8:22 pmThank you, Lisa. It’s definitely hard to live on the other end of the state and not be able to help my MIL as much as we’d like but with my current situation at work, I also have other pressing things to worry about. I can only imagine how much the current political happenings must impact your day to day work.
Stephany
February 7, 2025 at 7:12 amYou have had SUCH a rough start to 2025. Would Jon’s MIL ever consider moving to be closer to you, or would that be too difficult? (Or vice versa.) It sucks that she’s lonely; that must be so hard!
My stomach is in constant knots about the news. It feels like we are smack-dab in the beginning of a dystopian novel and I feel terrified about what’s to come. And I feel like it has to be even worse working for the government and not sure what’s to come with your job, your work schedule, etc. <3 Thinking of you!
San
February 7, 2025 at 8:25 pmI don’t think my MIL would move here. She’s pretty established in SoCal with a circle of friends and Jon’s brother lives close by, too. So she’s not really alone, but there’s nobody at her house 24/7 and that’s what she would like right now… but none of us can ‘provide’ that. I do hope she improves and gains a bit of her independence back.
Re: the news, I am just so stressed out. I think my agency (still) flies a bit under the radar, but there’s still a lot of hostility (and meanness) coming down. It’s just so maddening. Thank you for thinking of me. I appreciate it so much.
sarah
February 7, 2025 at 10:44 amIt is a privilege to not pay attention– but I think everyone will have to tune in before much longer. **whomp whomp** I’m sorry for the rough start, and I empathize.
Sarah
February 7, 2025 at 10:45 am(I’m paying attention, calling my reps, working on local elections– don’t misread this comment as if I am exercising a privilege of my own…)
San
February 7, 2025 at 8:26 pmThank you, Sarah. It truly is a privilege if you can just not pay attention to what’s going on (and I didn’t think for a minute that you didn’t pay attention, btw!).