Are you a patient person? Most people say that I am and they’re probably right. I have a lot of perseverance, I don’t give up easily and I can wait for things to fall into place. I am an eternal optimist and always believe that things will work out. Eventually.
Although sometimes, I wish that ‘eventually’ was a little sooner rather than later. I’ve done my fair share of “waiting things out” in my life and sometimes I wonder if that was always the right thing to do.
I know, waiting is usually not a good strategy. If you want things to happen, you have to make them happen (or so they say). But what if you’re pushing and working hard and things get within arm’s reach just to be dangled in front of your face always an inch or two too far to grab? When do you stop reaching?
The last few months have just been mentally exhausting. Actually, the last year and a half has been mentally exhausting. I have talked a few times about this “limbo state” at my work that I have been in for (dare I say it? years!) much too long and after being on the brink of almost being let go at the end of May last year and my head spinning out of control with worry about “where am I going to look for a new job?”, “where are we going to move?”, “what are we going to do?”, things turned around (somewhat) last minute and now it looks like we’re here to stay after all.
However, my job situation is still not resolved. It’s frustrating to say the least.
I’ve been working here for almost 8 years. I have had my citizenship for 3+ years now (the ONE requirement that prevented me from being hired directly by the government agency in the first place), and yet, my contractor status has still not been converted to a more permanent position. I’ve missed out on regular raises, job security and the general feeling of being an equal to my co-workers and I sometimes wonder how and why I have “stuck it out” for eight freakin’ years.
Like I said earlier… “the ‘carrot’ was always dangled right in front of my face” and I have a lot of patience and general optimism, or else I would have quit here a long time ago.
More importantly: I love my job (most days). I like my co-workers. I like my physical work place. These are hard things to let go of when faced with decisions you don’t want to make. I know so many people who don’t like what they do or have horrible co-workers and just dread going to work every day.
That is not me. I enjoy my job and I work hard it. But I also think that I finally deserve some appreciation, too. I honestly can’t believe for how long I have been talking about this.