Dear Victoria (Secret),
you know we’ve had a somewhat bumpy relationship all along, even though I liked you and I gave you another chance over and over and over again, while you kept disappointing me every single time.
You claim to have a bra for every size of woman, but to be honest, you don’t have to offer much for me. Does that make me deviate from the norm? Maybe. It definitely means that you have to improve on your bra lines. This is ridiculous.
And what’s up with your latest email messages, trying to convince me that you have the “Perfect One” for me now?
You sent this email to me a gazillion times and finally I gave in last night to come and see if you really meant to make peace! You even hired Heidi Klum to leave an impression with me and hey, you almost had me there.
But let me say it plain and clear: even your “Perfect One” is NOT EFFIN’ PERFECT, do you hear me?!
I am sick and tired of your false promises.
Ok, I’ll admit that for the first time in… oh, YEARS!… I did find one of your bra styles somewhat satisfying. But you should have a whole array of bras in my size that fit me! And not just a simple plain T-shirt bra, thank you very much. What about the very nice, fancy-schmanzy bra with all the embroidery? Why doesn’t that one come in my size?
Don’t contact me again until you really have something to offer.
It’ll take quite a bit of effort on your part for me to come back and actually try one of your bras again.