Use your brain!

This post is inspired by Sizzle because she got me thinking about something that has been on my mind a bit lately: Is my way of thinking really so completely different from other people’s thinking?
Is there something that we call “common sense” or are people’s rules and values and ways of thinking always slightly different from our own?

It always takes me quite by surprise when people – especially people to whom I am somewhat close – do things that I would never do in a million years or simply do or say things that leave me completely dumbfounded (and I could easily come up with 5 examples on each hand). 
Some things don’t bother me that much, even though they might raise my eyebrow for a second. Other things though leave me inwardly dumbstruck.
I am quite aware that nobody has to obey to the rules that I have made up in my perfect little head, but you’d think that there is some common ground with everyone. Apparently, there is not.

I constantly find myself questioning my own values and personal rules in the light of other’s reckless, unthoughtful and inconsiderate behavior.
I am not putting myself on a pedestal here, as I am sure I have done things that befuddled or offended people – knowingly and unknowingly. You can’t please everybody all the time.
In general though, I do consider myself thoughtful and considerate of others.
I am also almost always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt.
Sometimes I am just wondering if some people deliberately operate completely without “common sense”,  right along the lines of ‘As long as I play dumb, nobody can really expect anything from me’ – which, in itself, seems to make the particular person almost clever.

I mean, it sounds pretty clever, right?

As long as they play dumb, nobody can expect them to be considerate or thoughtful and therefore you can’t possibly be mad at them, because they didn’t know – all the while they’re questioning things that seem quite obvious, ignoring things that have been said in order to be able to pretend that they had no idea about it.

People, there is a line to be drawn somewhere.

And frankly, I am not quite sure if I can just “let it go”. In my humble opinion, it takes a lot of presumptuousness to behave like that. I just have a hard time accepting that some people might actually be completely unreflecting of what they say and do and their impact on others.

I think the hardest and most unsatisfying part for me is that I am trying to make sense of something, where no sense is to be made. Letting go might be the only option if I don’t want certain people to drive me completely nuts.

But how about, I treat you the way you treat me next time? 
How about that?

Maybe that will raise some self-awareness.


  1. I’m liking the [rant][/rant] format! Wonder what those meta tags would do to a paragraph – blow it up, perhaps?! Emit an ear-piercing scream to the reader?!

    I’ve sort of come to realize over the last 10 or so years, that some people are always considerate of others and some are always assholes. It’s a choice about how to live your life, and anger and rudeness (I guess) just win out for those people. All I know, is that when I live considerately I feel much better about myself and the world around me, and the fact that it is also nice for someone else is just a bonus! So really, I’m considerate out of selfishness!

  2. What the heck happend sweetie?

  3. Yeah, I agree with Kristi. Some people just chose to be assholes. For whatever reason. I sometimes have the feeling that those people even get through life easier and that you’re sometimes the dumb one if you’re nice and considerate. But in the end, in the long run, it is the better and wiser choice to make. I do believe that. At least most of the time… :)
    I really like you blog! Have a great weekend!

  4. interesting, but can we get more specific now? how about a follow-up in a protected post? :)

  5. I feel the same sometimes.I expect someone to react the way I would (and in my opinion only my reaction is the best one) and that person does something totally surprising (and hurting sometimes).
    One example would be: I moved away from my hometown 2 1/2 years ago,not THAT far,only like 400 miles and up to today NO ONE has ever visited me (it’s almost as far away as the moon I guess).They all wait until I visit my parents and not even then do they sometimes find the time to meet (aww,now THIS exact weekend I am full with appointments,why don’t you come (again) next weekend?).Not even for my 30th birthday…NO ONE showed up.I would borrow money,hitchhike or whatever if I had to to be there for an important day for a good friend and I expected to be surrounded by friends who are like me…apparently not.Hurts like hell,but my mom always says things like:
    “Don’t expect people to react like you do in certain situations” or “Don’t judge others by your own standards then you won’t be disappointed”

    My parents often tell me to be considerate,not to be too hard on them,to let it go,that I expect to much… but I agree: there is a line to be drawn sometimes with ignorant and dumb behaviour.

  6. Last summer Hubby and I went to an Army Reunion. When we checked in we were given our dinner table number and shown the position. Okay. I can deal with that.
    Well the night of the big shindig we went to our table and this very matronly woman yelled at me that we were not sitting at “HER” table! I told her that I’d been instructed to and had actually requested a table closer to the podium so Hubby could hear. (He has poor hearing) She stormed off and had the manager of the event come over and evict us.
    It seems that this General’s wife didn’t like where their seats were and had them change our table without even asking.
    Now I have decided that I will sit where I want, thank you very much, and even wrote about it in my post today because this woman was being so weird about saving seats in a packed ski lodge yesterday.
    Come on! Get real!
    Many people simply have no manners at all. And I don’t buy the “I didn’t know” crap. That’s an easy out.
    I don’t know, maybe I was just lucky to be raised by grandparents who taught me manners.

  7. ugh yeah I think some people just never think it through and actually think they are the cool ones here. sad and hurtful. sucks!
    big hug!

  8. @ Irene and Maribeth Thank you for two perfect examples of rude behavior. You just wonder sometimes who taught (or didn’t teach for that matter) them manners.

  9. @ irene:

    that sucks and sure hurts, but it really shows you who your REAL friends are, doesnt it? and unfortunately, REAL friends are extremely rare in life :(

    @ maribeth:

    THAT is rude as hell, i would have been really upset, too. but if that were to happen to me, id probably just stand there being perplex and at a loss for words. and then 10 minutes later, you think of the perfect thing you could have said in that situation, but it already too late LOL. dont you hate when that happens? :)

  10. some people you just can’t change. it’s unfortunate if they’re part of your life though because usually it’d be the best thing to just walk away from the unnecessary upset-factor. i’m sorry you have to deal with people like that. i guess we need to talk, hm? xoxoxo

  11. Hi friend…so here is my two-cents:
    The biggest problem I have in life…is dealing with blatant unfairness. The fact that I walk around in this world with a set of rules that is fair, polite, and grateful…and others don’t seem to care, let alone abide difficult!! I don’t know if I can let go..but I’m just being honest here! Why do I always have to be the one to give an extra inch and get nothing in return? Why do I always have to be the bigger person? They say it has its rewards….well I WANT MINE ALREADY!!!

    ok…now back to my regular smiley self :P
    P.S. would love to have coffee…will be back in Norcal soon!!

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