Heather, who writes over at Heather goes to Deutschland, is an American now living in my home country Germany. She recently posted this Expat/Immigrant Survey and I thought this would be a nice way to give a little overview of how I ‘got here’.
Some people have a problem with the word expat, I have a problem with the word immigrant, so well just call it even, m’kay? Fact is, I was born in Germany, but now live in the US, whatever that makes me (one thing is for sure – it made me a dual citizen), so let’s talk about all that that.
1. WHERE WERE YOU BORN, WHERE DID YOU GROW UP AND WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE?
I was born in Grevenbroich, Germany which is a mid-sized town in the Western part of Germany’s mid-section. We’re not considered Northern Germans and we’re not Southern Germans either. If you’d ask me more specifically, I’d say I am from the Rhineland area. The closest bigger city that you might have heard of is Köln (Cologne). I grew up in the same town, went to school and lived there until I was 25. I commuted to my university in Düsseldorf. I have lived in California for the better part of the last 15 years. We’ve been in Northern California non-stop for 10 years now.
2. WHAT MADE YOU LEAVE YOUR HOME COUNTRY
It was towards the end of my Master studies, when I applied for an exchange semester abroad and spent 6 months at the University of California, Davis. That was during the fall and winter quarters of 2001/2002. I met my now-husband J there and I haven’t really left since (if you don’t count the temporary periods back home to finish my degree and get visa things figured out).
I really didn’t plan to move here permanently. I just wanted to have that “time abroad” under my belt before I finished my degree, but life sometimes has other plans.
3. WHAT TYPE OF REACTIONS DO YOU GET WHEN YOU MEET NEW PEOPLE AND TELL THEM WHERE YOU ARE FROM?
People are usually enthusiastic to meet someone from Germany (although I refuse to believe that this is anything ‘special’ – there are so. many. Germans. in California). Most people tell me that they have been to Germany, or have German heritage, or want to go to Germany. Usually the response is very positive.
4. WHAT WAS THE EASIEST/HARDEST PART IN ADJUSTING TO YOUR NEW COUNTRY?
Gosh, I’ve been here for so long now, I can’t even remember. I think the easiest part was getting used to the lifestyle here in California. The hardest part was not having my friends and family close by (that part is still hard) and building a new community.
5. IMAGES, WORDS OR SOUNDS THAT SUM UP THE EXPAT EXPERIENCE YOU’VE HAD SO FAR.
Oh, only 15 years ago. WHAT?
6. YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD OR DRINK ITEM IN YOUR NEW COUNTRY
Food-wise, I’d have to say that I can’t really name one particular dish, but I love Trader Joe’s (see one of my previous posts, haha!).
Drink: Arnold Palmer and coffee. (I didn’t drink coffee until I moved here, though I believe that I probably would have started to drink it at some point even if I had stayed in Germany. I love the coffee shop culture here.)
7. WHAT’S THE ONE THING YOU SAID “YES” TO IN YOUR NEW CITY THAT YOU WOULDN’T SAY “YES” TO, BACK HOME?
Everything? Doing the unexpected? Moving to California was a huge deal for me. I had never lived away from home, hadn’t even had my own apartment before my exchange semester, and most people would have never even entertained the idea that I’d one day move 6000 miles away from home. It was a pretty drastic move for me. Nobody would probably have bat an eye if my sister had done that, but funnily enough, she’s the one who ended up settling in our home town after college.
Also, I really learned to stand up for myself. I am not saying that I was a total pushover beforehand or that I wouldn’t have learned this anywhere else, but being in a foreign country basically all on your own, tests – and pushes – your limits like hardly anything else.
8. ARE THERE ANY CULTURAL NORMS/PHRASES IN YOUR NEW COUNTRY WHICH YOU CANNOT STAND?
The non-committal behavior and vagueness. I still haven’t gotten used to that after all these years in the States (although I now generally just expect ‘less’ from people). It’s been hard to adjust to that. I don’t know how many times I was left confused (and disappointed) when I met new people and they enthusiastically exclaimed that we ‘had to get together’ and they’d ‘call me’ only to be followed up with silence.
Also, the “I am busy”-excuse. I know, you might call Germans nosy, but if I invite you to an event and you just tell me you’re ‘busy’ without giving a more detailed explanation why you won’t be able to come (e.g. I am hoping for something better to pop up! Honesty, I embrace it!), it really irritates me.
9. WHAT DO YOU ENJOY MOST DOING IN YOUR NEW COUNTRY?
I LOVE having so many amazing places at my proverbial door step. San Francisco is a 2-hour drive to the west, Lake Tahoe is 2-hours to the east, Yosemite is 2 hours to the southeast. I can hop on a plane and be in LA, Las Vegas or Utah in 1-2 hours. The outdoor activity opportunities are endless.
10. DO YOU THINK YOU WILL EVER MOVE HOME FOR GOOD?
It’s definitely ALWAYS in the back of my mind, especially with the most recent political developments in this country.
I lived most of my adult life here, so I am a bit afraid of reverse culture shock and also how I would reintegrate into life in Germany, but it’s definitely an option on the table (which we have discussed many times and my husband J is on board with).
Kathrin Schoenberg
November 10, 2017 at 4:55 pmThat’s a great post, San! It’s lovely to learn how you actually came here. And this is a beautiful picture of you and your husband. I could have written No. 3, 8 and 9 myself, not that well though ;-) Do you think I can link up with you and post about that as well?
san
November 11, 2017 at 10:43 amOh thank you, Kathrin and of course you can ‘steal’ the post idea ;)
Megan @ Meg Go Run
November 11, 2017 at 3:49 pmYou are so brave for moving so far away from home. I am *such* a homebody. I would love to live somewhere more exciting than Central PA but I don’t want to move away from my family. You live in one of my favorite places. Northern CA and Colorado are our favorite places to travel to! Can you tell me more about why you prefer expat to immigrant? I didn’t know the difference, so I had to look it up.
san
November 11, 2017 at 4:55 pmI always preferred expat because I never came with the intent to “immigrate” (if that makes sense), even though this is what I did I guess. I always thought I was here temporarily (but define ‘temporarily’ I guess, it’s been 15 years!).
Anyway, I heard that expat now has a ‘negative connotation’ because it’s apparently mostly used for white people (which I wasn’t really aware of) and immigrant for everybody else. I don’t know where this came from and I don’t agree with the distinction, but there is no point in arguing about semantics. I just don’t know what other word to use instead.
heather in de
November 12, 2017 at 1:21 pmYour answer to #8 is so spot-on! That is something that always aggravated me in the U.S. but couldn’t really put my finger on until I came here. The non-committal behavior is absolutely infuriating. I fully appreciate it that if you make plans with someone in Germany (months in advance, of course because everyone is BUSY BUSY BUSY), that is a plan set in stone. Whereas you ask people in the States to RSVP to an event, and no one answers. Agh!
san
November 22, 2017 at 8:38 amI am glad you’re confirming this, sometimes I don’t think people “get” how rude that is.
Tobia | craftaliciousme
November 12, 2017 at 11:48 pmAlways fun to read about your story. I also understood expat more as a “Nomade lifestyle and less settling one” but then I totally agree with you if you never plan on immigrated where does that leave you…
Happy day
Tobia
san
November 22, 2017 at 8:39 amMmh, interesting perspective… I don’t know, some terms are just so vague.
Beth
November 13, 2017 at 7:44 amThis was so great to learn more about how you came here! I didn’t know there were so many Germans in California though, that is interesting! I’m glad J is open to the idea of maybe going back home with you someday. It’s nice to have the options on the table for sure.
san
November 22, 2017 at 8:39 amOh yeah, I am so lucky that J would consider moving to Germany… I’d hate it, if he expected me to live here but would never consider moving somewhere for me ;)
Tanja
November 13, 2017 at 8:24 amLove reading this post!
san
November 22, 2017 at 8:40 am<3
marie
November 14, 2017 at 5:29 amOh the non-committal behavior is SO SO annoying. I was used to it from Lebanon because over there they are pros at it. Likely wrote the book on it. This is probably why I’ve only befriended people here that when you plan something, they stick to it!
Loved reading this post! (P.S. If you move back to Germany, take me with you.)
san
November 22, 2017 at 8:40 amWhat? Lebanon wrote the book on non-committal behavior? Who would have thought?
You know I am coming to get you if I move back to Germany ;)
Lisa of Lisa's Yarns
November 14, 2017 at 12:27 pmThis was a fun post to read! You’ve been so brave to make this move! I know it’s not easy to be away from your family – especially to be as far away as you are! But you’ve ended up in a beautiful area!
So a little story for you: I was visiting Asheville when I lived in NC and decided to do this 7 mile kayak tour along a river there. I got there and there was another couple and then a group of like 12 guys who were doing a post-college get together. It looked like it might rain but the guide said it was safe for us to still go kayaking. But all but one of the guys from the guys group bailed. So we got out on the river and the one guy who didn’t bail told me they had a discussion among their group. They thought it was interesting that I was there to do this tour by myself. Their hypothesis was that I was a) German or b) really independent. ha. Turns out I am both as my main ancestral heritage is German. I thought you would find that funny!
I got to be good friends with a girl in Charlotte who was from Germany. She definitely had a lot of trouble with people thinking she was too direct about things. She just calls it like she sees it. We got along well because I don’t do well with passive aggressive behavior.
san
November 22, 2017 at 8:41 amHaha, I love that you were mistaken for a German for being so independent and doing things on your own… sounds about right :)
Terra
November 20, 2017 at 5:02 pmLove this post, lady! I’ve never really thought about the noncommittal thing, but I can definitely understand it seeing it written out here. Germans, to me, are in general just far more straightforward than Americans are. It’s interesting how these differences develop, I think.
san
November 22, 2017 at 8:42 amDefinitely interesting… and I am aware I was makign a blanket statement, I met a few Americans who didn’t fit into this scenario at all, but it’s interesting how differences like these develop for sure.