Hey friends. Another quick life update from here. I keep thinking – and hoping – to get into a blogging groove again (I really want to), but this year continues on a sh*tty trajectory (with few highlights). So many things in my life have been taking a backseat lately – exercise (although it might not look like it to you, I am nowhere near my usual workout game), reading, and blogging – to name a few – and I am just trying to keep my head above water.
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Unfortunately, I have more sad news to share this week. You might already have seen my post on Instagram. My best friend from home passed away last weekend. She just turned 49 – much, much too young. She battled brain cancer and a slew of consequential health problems for 17 brave years. I honestly don’t know how she made it that long. Well, I do know. She was a fighter. She didn’t want to let anyone down, least of all herself, wouldn’t let the illness define her, and battled it with every ounce of her body and a little bit of humor until the very end.
Her funeral was today, and I am deeply saddened that I couldn’t be there. It just wasn’t possible for me to go on such short notice, but I am so grateful that I did get to see her and spend time with her one last time when I was in Germany. I knew that it was probably a goodbye for good. She was a wonderful person – warm-hearted, generous, and kind. She’s been a dear friend and constant in my life since high school – despite the distance. I keep thinking how insanely unfair this world sometimes is and I will miss her greatly. (In all seriousness, I am ready for this year to turn around any time now!)
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In better news, we have new roombackyard-mates. Two mourning doves are nesting on our property, and a few days ago, we met one of the babies. Jon found her (I named her Milly – not sure if it’s a “she” LOL) on our patio floor and at first we were concerned that she was hurt, because she wasn’t moving, but she also didn’t look distressed, so we let her be. A little bit of googling confirmed that baby morning doves (squabs) spend time on the ground close to their nests, and the parents still care for them for up to 20-30 days. Apparently, it’s rare to see the fledglings until they’re almost fully grown, so we feel very fortunate to witness this.
And then there is this little tidbit that gave me a bit of a shiver down my spine:
Mourning doves symbolize peace, love, and hope, often associated with messages from lost loved ones or spiritual guidance. They are also seen as symbols of new beginnings and comfort during times of grief.
My best friend passed on Sunday, and we met “Milly” on Monday morning. A sign from my friend or a coincidence? We’ll never know.
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Let’s not talk about the news. Or, maybe let’s briefly talk about the news and say that my above statement applies – we’re still on a sh*tty trajectory. The ‘big beautiful bill’ passed (not sure what is big and beautiful about it and how so many Congressmen could vote against their constituents’ interests without even blinking an eye), and the SCOTUS allowed the regime to go ahead with further decimating the federal workforce. What a fun time to be alive! I do not know how we all keep getting up in the morning, pretending that nothing is happening.
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Tomorrow, Jon and I will be participating in the Davis Moo-nlight Run/Walk again. It’ll be Jon’s fourth year. My friend Susi, who has participated before, will also join us. I am really looking forward to seeing her. I am taking the good times where I can get them right now.
How about you? Tell me something good!
J
July 11, 2025 at 11:29 pmI’m so very sorry about your friend. FUCK CANCER. I’m glad you got to see her when you were home recently.
The big bullshit bill is certainly big, I’ll give it that. UGH.
Something good – well, my friend who used to live here but moved to PA about 10 years ago will be here tomorrow, and we’re going out for tacos. YAY! And even more YAY, I think we’re going to Portland in a couple of weeks to see my family there. I need to get on that and book our flights/hotel. Wow, flights are expensive, right? They say they have $70 flights, but you have to fly in the middle of the night, the middle of the week, and go through Las Vegas or Salt Lake City. Sigh.
Tobia | craftaliciousme
July 12, 2025 at 12:46 amI have seen it on IG and I am so so so sorry that you have to grief another person in such a short time. However, I am also so grateful you were able to see her one last time and than so close before her end. Fighting cancer for 17 years is such a heroic thing to do. How brave and strong.
Finding Milly and the back story you googled gave me chills too. The world is truly magical if you want to believe. and if not it is still beautiful to witness such a thing. I don’t think I have ever seen a baby dove.
Anne
July 12, 2025 at 4:12 amSan, I am so, so sorry for your loss. Cancer sucks. It really, really does. I am so glad you got to see your friend one more time – even knowing it was likely the last time – but so sorry you were not able to return for her funeral. I got shivers down my spine when I read that bit about mourning doves. <3
I am right there with you on the disconnect between *waves hands wildly and screams into the void" and living our lives… how are we supposed to just get up, shower, and do our jobs like nothing is happening? It's disconcerting and disorienting, but the rent still needs to be paid, the work still needs to get done… It's so hard. So. Damn. Hard.
Hang in there, friend. So. Many. Hugs. So many. <3
Birchie
July 12, 2025 at 4:21 amI am so sorry for the loss of your friend and everything that she had to endure. 2025, you have sucked so far, and you’re at the halfway point so either get better or get out of here.
My good things are that I had a wonderful July 4th weekend with family, and in just a few weeks I will be going on my next big trip – I’ll be spending some time with our friend Nicole and living large in Vancouver/Victoria! In the meantime there is plenty of summer fun to be had here at home.
Nicole MacPherson
July 12, 2025 at 7:01 amI 100000% would take the mourning doves as a sign.
Oh, San. I wish the universe would cut you a break. So many hard things for you. I’m so sorry about your friend. What a heartbreakingly young age.
If you want to hear about good things, here we go: the garden is insane right now, although I’m going to have to pull my greens soon – it’s getting a touch too hot for them. Not yet though, I’m hoping to keep them up for a few weeks before replanting mid-August. Tomatoes and zucchinis and berries are all popping off! I love summer, and it’s a great season here. Birchie will get to experience Okanagan summer in all its glory in only a couple of weeks! Eee! I saw our resident blue heron at the creek yesterday, and we have lots of mourning doves around here too – I hear them all the time cooing away. I’ll think of you now when I hear them.
Elisabeth
July 12, 2025 at 7:06 amI am so sorry, friend. What a hard season this has been for you. My heart is heavy for your losses and the additive impact that must be having on your mood, energy, and enthusiasm for life.
Happy things in my life? Belle graduated from Grade 8. John went to Rwanda on a mission trip and came back sick but is now mostly better. Belle is in a wedding next week. Indy has loved tennis lessons. In a little over a week we get 5 night home ALONE without kids when they’re both at sleepaway camp and I am sooo excited.
Michelle G.
July 12, 2025 at 10:38 amI am so sorry for your loss. What a blessing that you got to see your friend one last time. You’re so right that life isn’t fair, and there are so many things that shouldn’t happen. And then a symbol of hope shows up in the form of Milly, and fills us with wonder. What a beautiful little creature! Something good? I got a refurbished Apple Watch to help with my sleep tracking, and I love it! I just asked it to tell me something good, and it said, “You are alarmingly charming – or Charlarming!” Well, I guess that was nice to hear!
Lisa’s Yarns
July 12, 2025 at 2:09 pmI am so very sorry for your loss. This has been an absolutely horrible year for you and Jon. I hope things significantly improve soon! I am glad you had one last visit with her but gah. It’s hard to miss the funeral. I love that the mourning doves showed up so close to her passing. I would take that as a sign!!
Stephany
July 13, 2025 at 2:46 pmThe hits just keep coming for you, don’t they? I am so very sorry to hear about your friend passing away. The mourning dove showing up the next morning is WILD. That has to be a sign!
Something good: I got to spend a few days away with my mom and let myself take a FULL break from all of the news. So that was nice!
Melissa
July 13, 2025 at 6:56 pmSo sorry to hear about your friend. Boy, she was tough battling illness for that long. I’ve been thinking about you as I watch from afar all the crazy stuff happening over there, and how you are impacted. Yay for doing something fun and normal, I hope the run goes well and you enjoy catching up with your friend. We have fled the cold weather in Melbourne and are enjoying the stunning low 20s weather in Noosa. The window next to me now looks out over the river, and it is glorious.
Ernie
July 13, 2025 at 7:54 pmI’m so sad to learn about your best friend. What a tremendous loss. I can’t imagine. I’m glad you got to see her and spend time with her. I love that Millie showed up when she did. So sweet.
Suzanne
July 14, 2025 at 9:54 amOh San. What a heartbreaking, exhausting season you find yourself in. I am so very sorry about your friend. How wonderful that you got to see her on your trip home. I love the idea that she or the universe are watching over you in your grief.
Kristen | kristenwoolsey.com
July 14, 2025 at 12:06 pmSO so sorry for your loss!
NGS
July 16, 2025 at 10:25 amI am sorry for the loss of your friend. I hope that someday the memory of the good times outweighs the memory of how hard things were at the end.
Good thing: I am leaving for a long weekend trip with my own best friend tomorrow. We have three days in Seattle to spend together! Woot woot!