19: Things I am not

I am doing NaBloPoMo this month. 30 blog posts in 30 days. Come join me. #nablopomo2022

photo credit: @priscilladupreez via Unsplash

It’s been great getting to know everybody better these last few weeks, especially the AMA (Ask Me Anything) posts have been so fun because I’ve learned so many random things about you guys that probably would have never just “come up” in a blog post.

We’re all painting pictures of ourselves on the Internet and I realize that this can be deceiving sometimes, as we pick and choose what we share. I wonder if I am in real life, as you imagine me from my online presence — and vice versa.

Life isn’t perfect and neither am I. I have lots of flaws just like everyone else – I can be sulky sometimes, I like things done my way, and I am a bit of a perfectionist. We’re all human!
But I thought it would be fun to paint a picture of who I am by sharing a list of things that I am not.

* * *

I am not on top of things all the time, even though it might seem that way (and I wish I was).

I am not someone who holds grudges for very long. I might sulk for a little while, but I get over it pretty quickly.

I am not always patient, but most of the time I am. Sometimes though, I don’t want to wait for answers/decisions to be made/goals to be reached. Sometimes I want it all now.

I am not afraid of honesty. If I ask your opinion, I expect you to tell me the truth. I’d much rather deal with the truth than waste my time trying to figure out what the truth actually is. If you ask my opinion, I’ll tell you the truth as well.

I am not good at making decisions. I go along with a lot of things because I don’t want to be the person that pushes her decisions on others (but I do try to speak up if a decision is really important to me).

I am not always a healthy eater. I do cook most meals from scratch and I place value on fresh, unprocessed foods. I make a point to not have frozen dinners in the freezer or preprocessed meal items in the pantry, but sometimes? Sometimes I just need some ice cream.

I am not always positive, although I am very much a “glass-half-full” kinda person. But I also sit in a pool of negative thoughts sometimes.

I am not indifferent. I usually have an opinion, thought, or feeling about everything. I like to think that this is better than having no interest in anything at all.

I am not always good at taking care of myself. I don’t know how to say ‘no’. I usually always put other people’s needs first and when I don’t, I feel really selfish. I know that this is a hard lesson for me to learn.

I am not very good with rejection. I am a people pleaser and usually try to get along with everyone, and it hits me extra hard when I feel (undeserved) open hostility from someone.

I am not proud of the fact that I have disappointed people. It was never done intentionally, but sometimes no matter what you do, somebody gets hurt.

I am not feeling like a grown-up a lot of the time. Just because I have grown-up responsibilities and handle them fairly well, I still often feel like I am just winging it, waiting for the real adult to swoop in and take over.

I am not a mind reader, though I wish sometimes I possessed this ability.

What is one thing that you are not?

  1. I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I want people to like me, but I have to accept that I am a bit too much for some people. And that’s okay.

    1. I recommend the song “I’m Not for Everyone” by the Brothers Osboune. The video is also awesome!

    2. I used to think that I had to get along with everyone, but not being everybody’s cup of tea is actually quite alright.

  2. I mean…I do OK for myself. But I get the impression that folks think that I’m way more on top of my game than I am.

    I am not someone who has it all figured out!!!!!!!!

  3. I am not a list maker. Lists stress me out because I feel guilty if I can’t make it through in one day. I seem to do fine without so far. The only time I will make a list is before I go on a trip to make sure I took care of everything before we leave the house.

    1. Interesting! Most people I know love making lists – but I can see how they can be anxiety-inducing and if you can do without a list, more power to you!

  4. Glad to hear that someone else is also waiting for the “real” grownups to show up! I feel that way a lot, and i have kids! One of my KIDS is practically grown up! Does everyone feel this way? I wonder if my own parents felt this way? Hmmm…. that’s an interesting thought.
    If you like honesty, you should have a conversation with my daughter! She’s tell it like it is. : )

    1. Haha, phew, I am glad you feel the same way about waiting for the “real” grown ups to show up ;)

  5. ooh hard question! I am not always patient, especially with myself.

    1. Patience is hard for most people.

  6. Love posts like this!

    I am 100% with you on so many of these; especially wanting to keep everyone happy all the time. I hate conflict and have a hard time not assuming it’s always “my fault.”

    And this: “I am not feeling like a grown-up a lot of the time. Just because I have grown-up responsibilities and handle them fairly well, I still often feel like I am just winging it, waiting for the real adult to swoop in and take over.” This is me verbatim. Sometimes I literally just stop and look around at my life and think: how am I paying bills and cooking meals and raising kids? I’m like 12 years old. But, nope, I’m not, actually 12. I’m what people classify as an “adult”!? How did this happen? I think it’s a branch of imposter syndrome, perhaps because we think everyone else has life “all figured out” – which of course they don’t. I so relate to this one!!

    1. Yes, I also think it’s a branch of imposter syndrome … and I am wondering if this is something most people feel? I read this interesting article a while ago that was titled “everybody’s just winging it” and it was so eye-opening in a way.

  7. Oh, I loved this!
    I am not a very mentally flexible person in that I have a very hard time with change. I’m working on it but I find it takes a lot of effort on my part to deal with changes in schedules, lives, etc. It doesn’t come naturally to me, but as I said, I’m working on it. I’m not a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of person. I like to set a schedule and stick to it.

    1. Oh, I can relate to this, Nicole. I am a planner at heart and like to schedule things and know what’s going to happen. I also struggle with changes on short notice, but it’s something I am working on as well.

  8. I love you the way you are!
    I’m not patient – but I’m trying.
    I’m learning to listen and not pushing my opinion on others.
    I (often) like to be non-mainstream but need to except that this is not everybody’s way of life.

    1. Aww, thanks friend. Love you too.
      We’re all flawed, but that’s the beauty of being human :)

  9. What is one thing that you are not? I am not deceitful or conniving or duplicitous. Okay I answered with three words but it’s one concept. And I am not that.

    1. I’d say that is one good thing NOT to be!

  10. I don’t really feel like a true grown up either. Like I don’t feel like I’m the person my parents were in their early 40s. They seemed so much older. But maybe they felt exactly like me? Although my parents did have 5 kids by the time they were in their early 40s!

    I am not a very patient person but having kids has given me lots of opportunities to work on developing more patience. I’m also not very flexible. I like things done a certain way and I like to be in control. But again, having kids is forcing me to be more flexible.

  11. What a fun post idea! I’m glad I’m not the only one who still feels like it’s crazy that I’m the grown-up in the room now. How did that happen?!

    I am not the life of the party and I am a-ok with that fact. I am not someone who cares all that much about music (unless it’s Taylor Swift, ha). I am not a very healthy eater, oops.

  12. I am not a very patient person and get frustrated really quickly.

    Thank you for sharing this and the spin on how to learn more about you. I love it. A few things I had somewhat figured reading between the lines.

    An that grown-up thing… I am there with you. I just want someone to take over when it gets too tough and overwhelming.

  13. Oh, what an interesting statement and post… Three we share are that I, too, do not always take very good care of myself, physically, socially and mentally; I do not feel like an adult (apparently, neither do all the other “adults” who read your blog, so whew); and I am in NO way on top of things. Maybe ever. Sigh.
    The thing that’s really interesting about your list is that these are not necessarily things that are… easy to change, for lack of a better description. We are not likely to wake up one day feeling like adults. I know that I am very unlikely to be on top of things, well, ever. They are, in a way, innate…traits? Characteristics? It makes you wonder, though, how they develop – are these just inherent in our personalities, and based on how we grew up, our preferences, etc.? (Sorry, just some fascinating things to contemplate…)

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