I don’t know about you, but I am someone who always needs a mental ‘project’ at any given time. I focus a lot of mental energy on said projects and it often helps me stay focused and motivated – even during the most frustrating times. The only problem usually is that I am attempting to do multiple projects at the same time, but who’s counting?

When I say “project”, I mean simple (and repeatable) organizational projects such as making a weekly meal plan + shopping list (something that I’ve been doing for quite a while now and enjoy very much. Stay tuned for a “daily life” post on that topic!) or a one-time project with a particular goal in  mind.

Lately, I have focused a lot of my energy on house hunting. I talked about why we want to move a few weeks ago and every waking moment has revolved around finding a new place since then. (This is often what happens when I am frustrated in another area of my life, I focus all my enery on something that I can get excited about!)

However, the house hunting process has also been frustrating, to say the least, because not only is it hard to find rental houses that meet our requirements, but also because we’re not completely sure what our budget for rent will be in a few months, when the job woes are finally sorted out and I will hopefully finally have gotten a raise.

Yesterday I’ve come to the hard realization that we probably, well in fact, most likely won’t be able to move before my family comes at the end of June.

This had been my goal for the last few months and I had successfully pushed any other option out of my mind.  I spent all my energy on hoping and working towards a potential move by June, so it hit me extra-hard that it’s getting more and more less likely (in fact, it would pretty much be a miracle at this point).

Why don’t you just wait to move until the job situation is sorted out and give yourself time to find the perfect place?’, you might want to ask.

Yes, that would probably be the best thing to do. But last night, for the first time, I allowed myself to contemplate the now very likely possibility that we’ll still be in our apartment when my family comes and it made me want to cry.

Because of our limited space, we can (barely) accommodate two guests in our 1-bedroom apartment, but definitely not 6. It makes me incredibly sad that I will have to put half of my family up in a hotel. I wanted so bad for us to be able to host them when they finally come to visit (and my sister’s family’s visit has been such a long time coming).

We don’t have (table) space to all eat meals together at our place and no backyard/patio where we could have a BBQ (I guess we have to go to the park). Heck, we don’t even have enough furniture (couch + chairs) to seat everybody, come to think of it.

We will do a fair amount of traveling while they’re here, that’s true, but I did the math and we will still spend a total of 10 (out of 27) nights at our place and I just wish we had more space to accommodate everybody. I also would have loved to show them our new “home” and not the apartment, which at the time we thought to be only “temporary”, that we moved into four years ago. Define “temporary”, right?  Sigh.

I don’t know. I just had a bad day yesterday and just resented the situation I am in (professionally with my job and personally with our living situation) and simply the fact that we haven’t really been able to make any long-term decisions (in the last three years) because of all of it. I usually have the most positive attitude and always roll with the punches, but everyone is allowed to feel antsy and frustrated every once in a while, even the most level-headed person. Everyone has the right to feel impatient, even the most patient person of all, am I right? I am just so tired of waiting.

But I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I know, it could be way worse. My family could not be coming at all. I could not have gotten the approval from my supervisor to take 3 weeks off to spend time with them. So I really am trying to focus on the fact that they ARE GOING to be here so very soon and that that is really all that matters.

I think for now though, I’ll have to re-focus my enery on a new project: how to make our small space as cleaned up  and efficient for eight people as humanly possible. Maybe I’ll even buy a few extra chairs.

  1. I totally get it. It’s so hard to be in limbo in one area of your life – let alone 2 like you are (work and your living situation). It’s hard to embrace something when you aren’t happy with it and want to change it but can’t for a multitude of reasons. That’s how I felt in Charlotte. I felt like I was in a constant state of limbo and it wore me out and depressed me. I hope that you get clarity on your job situation so you can make some decisions about where to move!

    Also, it’s totally OK to feel frustrated and upset about things even when you know you have much to be thankful for. I know it’s in your nature to focus on the positive and be optimistic but sometimes you have to just give into the emotions of frustration/disappointment/sadness…

  2. I can understand how frustrating this must be. Both job and living. Just doesn’t let you ease up and enjoy life. How hope you can juggle it and fit your family in there somehow. Can you camp somewhere? Or maybe rent a caravan and put on the parking lot?! I don’t know I guess your new project could be creativity …
    Hope you having better days ahead of you.
    Cheers, Tobia

  3. Ugh I’m so frustrated for you!! I don’t even know how anyone could keep a level head with all this going on. I sort of want to go to your work place and start yelling at them for not moving faster with things.

    On the one hand, it’s good that you guys will not be at your place for a good portion of the time they are there. On the other, maybe a creative way to deal with the situation is limit the number of people who can be in the kitchen while cooking (if you are cooking at home) and do a sort of picnic in your apartment when you are going to eat (so no need for sitting at the table). If it makes you feel any better, when we have our friends over for lunch or dinner parties, no one sits at the table and we all sit on the flour/chairs/couch. It’s actually quite fun! Then maybe the other times you don’t want to cook at home, you can go out and eat somewhere that you like, show them your local tasty restaurants you like to go to.

    I so wish I could be of more help.

  4. Aww, I so feel for you and totally get your frustration. Having family coming over and not being able to spent EVERY SINGLE MINUTE with them due to the living situation…. That sucks.
    But for right now keep looking at the good things happening – your family is coming! Woohoo!

  5. I know the frustration…looking for an affordable nice place to rent while not having your work situation worked out – ugh…I hear you!
    I know things will eventually resolve themselves…that’s how it normally goes, right? I am sure about it! Hugs xxx

  6. I’m frustrated for you!!! Our place isn’t big enough for large get togethers either (any more than 2 extra people in here is pushing it!) – when my family visits, we meet at my sister’s place in Calgary (3.5 hours away). Some of us stay at her house, some stay at a hotel, and we usually go on outings so we can all be together, like Banff or the zoo. I’m excited for you that your family is coming, though!!! That’s awesome :)

  7. Awwww Sannie, I am getting sad and frustrated just reading that. Such a frustrating situation and I can’t believe they are still keeping you at an arm’s length at your job. Grrr! After all those years. :( but on the bright side, you are getting three weeks off – that is amazing! How wonderful that your family is coming over, especially your sister!! I hope you can focus on that and look forward to the time together. Doesn’t look like you can change any of the frustrating things right now so best ignore them.
    Your perfect new home clearly isn’t ready for you yet but I’m sure it will be soon!
    Big hug!!

  8. Ich bin etwas im Rückstand mit Blogs lesen also hab ich gerade erst diesen Eintrag entdeckt. Ich kann dich SO gut verstehen! Ich hab auch total das Gefühl noch nicht da zu sein wo wir bleiben werden und es gibt so viele Einflüsse, die da zusammen spielen, dass ich teilweise auch total genervt davon bin.
    Aber wenn wir es geschafft haben, an Weihnachten 20 Mann bei uns in die Bude zu quetschen, dann schafft ihr das auch! Das allerwichtigste ist die Zeit, die ihr zusammen verbringen werdet!! Bald ist es ja schon soweit!

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