Nicole posted about a—holes the other day. Wait, no. That came out wrong. She didn’t talk about body parts, and she wasn’t talking about opinions (although it is certainly true that everyone has one).
She talked about some recent – or not so recent – encounters with people out in the world. I’d like to say that like Nicole, I am not THAT easily bothered by people and I do a lot of mental gymnastics to justify people’s behaviors. I come up with scenarios and explanations, and always tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. But sometimes you wonder, are some people a—holes after all?
When I was out on a run around my neighborhood recently, I was running on the sidewalk and I was approaching an intersection. I saw three women coming from the side street on the right, one of them was pushing a stroller. There were leisurely walking and chatting, they turned their heads and saw me approaching, and I thought they were for sure (!) let me pass before taking a right and continuing their walk on the main road.
Imagine my surprise, when the woman with the stroller just looked at me, turned right and continued to completely cut me off and block the sidewalk with her stroller while continuing the conversation with her two friends. I mean, WHAT?
So I thought, maybe she was so absent-minded, read: so absorbed in the conversation, that I didn’t even “register” on her radar, even though she looked at me as I was approaching. Maybe she has a problem with spatial awareness and thought I’d be able to pass by her and her stroller and her two friends easily (NOT THE CASE, I had to swerve into the street), or maybe she had bad encounters with other runners and she wasn’t going to give an inch for any runner anymore.
When I relayed the encounter to Jon, he – like Nicole’s Rob – is a little more pragmatic – or jaded, you decide – and he suggested that maybe they were just “assholes”. Touché.
Then there is the situation at my office. In my suite, there are some offices with doors and there are cubicles. I am not paid enough to “deserve“ an office with a door according to the (only loosely applied!) rules, so I am stuck in the main suite in one of the cubicles. At least, I have a window! But I also have to take my Teams Calls with headphones and make sure that I am not bothering other people. (Sometimes I take my laptop and take calls in conference rooms, but that’s a hassle, so I usually stay at my desk.)
Of course, there are noise-canceling headphones and all that jazz, and I am usually not bothered by background noise, but it feels to me that if you do have the privilege of an office with a door and you are on a Teams Call, maybe out of courtesy, you should close that door so the people in the main suite, who don’t have that option, don’t have added background noise to their own work/meetings. But apparently, that is not something that automatically comes to the minds of people with office doors. I appreciate when they generally keep their doors open (to encourage socializing), but the difference is that they can close the door for privacy, but I don’t have that option. So when they don’t close their doors when they are in meetings, I am trying hard not to think that they’re doing this because they’re a—holes. I think they just don’t think about the situation the way I do as someone without a door. But a little consideration goes a long way.
And then last weekend, when I finally got rid of the Zio patch, I took advantage of the nice weather and spent the afternoon at the neighborhood pool. It was a weekend, the weather was gorgeous and the pool was crowded. Our neighborhood pool is a decent-sized (half-olympic) pool, so plenty of room for plenty of people. Plus, there’s a kiddy pool and a hot tub.
There are usually two lanes sectioned off for people who like to swim laps. Well, I wanted to swim a few laps but there was a guy with two kids splashing around and blocking the two lanes from being accessible. I thought, “NBD, I am going to swim my laps just on the other side of the lane divider. I wasn’t going for speed or anything and was fine slowing down or even swimming “around” people, but then kids, people with toddlers in their arms, and other adults – with or without floating devices – constantly kept drifting into or crossing my lane, and I was wondering at some point if they were doing this on purpose. I know kids can have a hard time with spatial awareness and don’t necessarily “see you” until you’re right in front of them, but adults? Shouldn’t they be a little bit more considerate? Again, I gave them the benefit of the doubt, but maybe… [you finish the sentence].
I am trying really hard not to be an a—hole to anybody, but I am sure I am not perfect either. But life can be hard enough, and I aim not to make it harder.
Nicole wrote, “…other people exist, and when we leave the confines of our own four walls, we have to figure out how to live in the world as it is.”
Well, isn’t that the truth.
I don’t know if this was a message to inconsiderate people (to try and step out into the world with a little bit more kindness and awareness), or a message to herself (to always try and remember to give people the benefit of the doubt), but one thing is true: we all have to coexist.
Natka
July 13, 2026 at 12:11 pmHi San! Frequent reader here.
I am so sorry. Those sound like frustrating and infuriating situations.
I think there are a lot of people who are completely oblivious. They also maybe axxholes, but there is a good chance that that they are just genuinely clueless they are causing major inconvenience for others.
I certainly have been on both sides – post factum kicking myself for not stepping off a path to let a runner through, and being blocked by a gaggle of people taking up the whole road and being impossible to pass when I am out for a walk.
One time, I was minding my own business in the neighborhood pool after a horrible day at work, when a random kid landed on my head – his father threw him into the water but didn’t see I was swimming there. I nearly bit the guy’s head off. He was super apologetic and horrified – and then I felt like an axxholes because the whole thing was actually funny and wasn’t worth being angry about.
San
July 13, 2026 at 12:19 pmThanks for chiming in, Natka! I’ve definitely been on both sides for sure… and I am usually gracious in these situations, because my first assumptions always is that people are just oblivious, but it’s also hilarious how many examples I can come up with! Some people are definitely more “aware” than others. ;)
Lisa's Yarns
July 13, 2026 at 1:10 pmI think because I have a bit of a short fuse and am not a very, well, “zen” person, I have trouble giving people the benefit of the doubt when they act in a rude manner. I really hate it when people walk 3 abreast on a sidewalk or running path when there is a runner or another walker in the vicinity that is likely to pass them. As my running coach used to yell, “skinny up!” meaning single file, people! I am always telling my kids “share the path” when we are on walks so now they will say it to each other when they see a person coming.
San
July 13, 2026 at 4:36 pmI get it. It’s not that I am not a bit annoyed, but usually not annoyed enough to “do something about it”… I usually try to make up an outlandish excuse for their rude behavior (probably to amuse myself LOL)
Nicole MacPherson
July 14, 2026 at 5:19 amYes, some people are unaware how inconsiderate they are – for people like us, who do try to make the world around us a better place, it feels very strange. The whole thing where people talk on speaker phone in public is so odd to me. Like, do you really want me to hear your entire conversation? BECAUSE I’M GOING TO LISTEN TO EVERY WORD! Lol!
Thanks for the shoutout!
Birchie
July 14, 2026 at 6:02 amGah to the sidewalk hoggers. I just don’t get it.
I feel like there were reliably 1-2 loud talkers in every open concept office that I worked in. I also remember the struggle of trying to find an open conference room for my own phone calls. Grumph.
NGS
July 14, 2026 at 9:19 amLast night we did grocery shopping (gosh, it was only last night, but it feels like it was ages ago). People seemed unhappier than usual. Maybe it’s the Cyclospora outbreak? It does make buying groceries seem more fraught than usual. ANYWAY, my husband and I were not unhappy. As we were leaving, we were behind this guy who seemingly had no spatial awareness. He was walking slowly and erratically in a way that made it impossible for us to pass him. As soon as we got to our car, we both just started laughing. Because what else are you going to do? That guy wasn’t going to notice us and we just had to deal with it. People, man. This world is just so full of them.
Anyway, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I think some people just lack empathy and that must really SUCK for them. And for the rest of us, too.
Kim
July 14, 2026 at 10:22 amYou’re so kind to do those mental gymnastics and give them the benefit of the doubt (and make it more bearable for you). Most people seem to only be thinking about themselves 😂 Then add in tech (to the movement situations) and people are way more distracted and more likely to drift.
A lot of people take calls on speaker or listen to music on speaker on the train. At 5:00 am. In the quiet car. The idea that anyone else would EVER want to listen to what you are listening to (especially a work call) blows my mind.
J
July 14, 2026 at 7:40 pmI also try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but reality is that there are people who are either assholes or just completely self absorbed and thoughtless. It can be really frustrating!
Melissa
July 14, 2026 at 9:38 pmI think there are a lot of A__holes in the world, but also a lot of people who just don’t even think about how their behaviour affects other people. Maybe that means they are still little A__holes, but I think we are all there occasionally. The worse ones are the people who know their behaviour is impacting other people but they don’t care, or think their needs are more important than everyone elses.
Tanja
July 14, 2026 at 10:50 pmUnfortunately, I feel people are becoming more and more a**holes. Too many encounter of inconsiderate people make me believe, they just don’t care about others. Would love to give the benefit of the doubts more often but like I said – too many occurences …..
Michelle G.
July 15, 2026 at 6:03 amPeople who block the sidewalk drive me nuts! How do they not move over? I am spatially impaired, and yet I still have the common sense and courtesy to move out of the way! Also, kids blocking the designated lap-swimming lane would really get me cross! So many people seem to think the rules don’t apply to them. The office situation sounds so typical; it makes me shudder. Office politics are the worst!
Rachel
July 17, 2026 at 12:34 pmAww San! So I have a hot take, or maybe a cold take, on these things too. In general when people do something annoying I attribute it to accidents and assume they are not a**holes. Especially when driving – if someone is going fast or cuts me off I always figure something bad must be happening in their day to make them need to drive like that – maybe they are on the way to the hospital or something? And then I think about how lucky I am to not be on the way to the hospital. But that’s mostly in relation to driving.
I guess, weirdly, I would say that because I don’t spend much energy wondering if other people are a**holes, I maybe also don’t realize if I’m being an A**hole? I am sure I have cut off people with a pram before because pushing a double stroller sucks and I am often so tired and stressed that I just wouldn’t even notice if there was someone coming.
And the pool story (although I might be reading the lane structure different) reminds me of a recent trip to the pool with the kids. Our pool has two lanes with the floaty dividers for lap swimming in the deep end. I had one of the toddlers and was moving to the deep end (the pre-divider bit, outside the lanes) just to do some more fun swimming and then all of a sudden I backed into someone swimming laps on the family side – I am not sure why she wasn’t in the lane, maybe it was full, but she gave me a very angry look and I know I should have looked to make sure there wasn’t someone behind me but I really didn’t expect a lap swimmer in the main bit of the pool during family swim. But if I was more attentive I definitely would have noticed her.
So I guess there probably are A**holes and then there are probably more people who are just unaware, in my opinion. It takes someone being a real direct A**hole to me for me to really notice (like when men used to yell at me out their vans when I was riding my bike – those were definitely A**holes.)
Also, once I asked Copilot in work what my biggest failing is and copilot told me that I often assume good intent from people when really some people are not behaving well. So I guess maybe I should be more attentive about A**hole behaviour…
Stephany
July 17, 2026 at 7:27 pmI definitely have trouble giving people the benefit of the doubt in these situations, and all of your stories makes me LIVID for you. I just think some people just aren’t considerate of other people, and it drives me crazy.
Tobia | craftaliciousme
July 19, 2026 at 9:01 amSometimes people are just so frustrating. I am sorry you had to put up with these a__holes.I am with Stephany I rarely give people the benefit of the doubt. I feel like people are egoistic and oblivious.
Suzanne
July 21, 2026 at 1:47 pmArgh, the sidewalk hoggers!!! I often go walking with a friend, and anytime I see someone approaching, I scoot behind her. Even though the path is technically wide enough for three or even four people to walk on it simultaneously. But so few other people ever do that! Do they not see that the path is about to be crowded? Do they not notice that I am getting out of the way which might indicate that they should also make room? Ugh.
I did have a moment this weekend where I was an a-hole to someone. I thought she was in the wrong, and I got snippy with her, and then it turned out she was NOT in the wrong, so a) I was snippy, which wasn’t appropriate even if she *had* been wrong and b) I WAS WRONG. It sucked. I was 100% being an a-hole in that instance though, no justification can compensate.