Around this time of year…


Around this time of year, when the old year comes to a close, I always get a tad melancholy. I don’t know if it is the fact that dusk sets in much earlier in the day, that all I want to do is curl up on the couch under a blanket and that in general the whole world seems to slow down, but it’s always a time when I start to self-reflect. And self-reflection can be a bitch, y’all.

I’m in general a person who always tends to live more in the past than in the here and now. I hang on to memories, words, people much tighter than the regular person and this usually results in a lot of happy reminiscing, but also sadness and regret. Sadness that I couldn’t hold on to this certain moment a little longer. Regret that a person that I held dear faded away or that I let an opportunity slip through my fingers. And more often than not, I forget to appreciate what’s happening right now, inevitably setting myself up for more sadness and regret in the future.

That is not to say that I am constantly sad and unhappy. I just have always been more sensitive to the effect of change and been known to be prematurely sad about something eventually being over when, in fact, I was in the midst of it, when it was going on, when I should have just enjoyed the moment. Silly, isn’t it?

So, when I start self-reflecting, I want to tell myself that change is ok, that it is normal, a fact of life. I want to tell myself to handle things differently in the future. To not take things to heart as much and to let go more often.

It easier said than done.

It’s my internal hard-wiring that has to change in order to care less, to say no, and to be ok with it. And I am trying. Again and again.

Especially around this time of year.

  1. If you haven’t already, may I recommend “A New Earth”? It talks a lot about presence and I found it really helpful – from one reminiscer to another :)
    .-= Emily Jane blogged this: BIG NEWS- Someone has stolen the real Emily Apparently- I’m in GLEE… =-.

  2. Ach Sandra, time to go home and see your family, don’t you agree?

  3. Me too, my friend. Me too.
    .-= Suburban Sweetheart blogged this: We nom =-.

  4. I agree. Time for a trip home. Sounds like you are missing everyone.

  5. To me, your words sound like you are longing for something. Seeing your family? Friends? Maybe even a change?
    .-= Stefanie blogged this: Shaping up =-.

  6. I think that’s why I always dislike New Year’s.
    .-= Fabulous blogged this: Protected- Le shopping! =-.

  7. Nostalgia is a prickly, pesky beast. I am guilty of falling prey to it a lot, too. But, like most things, I think it all comes back to balance. Reminiscing is healthy, normal, fun! But…dwelling in what’s past? Seeping yourself in memories of what once was? Too much of anything is no good.
    .-= Hannah blogged this: It is in the transformation =-.

  8. I am the same way about holding on to things and memories and people longer — I think the change in year makes us melancholy because it’s like the year is coming to a close, another year has passed, more people have drifted in or out of our lives, etc.

    This year the season change is affecting me less than usual, which is a blessing. I always just try to remind myself that spring will be here before too long.

  9. i’m right there with you. only that i always think about the “what ifs” and “what could have been”. change is scary but necessary and exciting, if you let it be. easier said than done. to me, this year i’m ready to put a lid on it and move on. 2011 better be better. lots of (good) change because there can only be life when there’s change. *hugs*
    .-= kim blogged this: busy days these days =-.

  10. I’ve never liked change, and letting go, well, lets just say it’s not my favorite thing either. I too get melancholic this time of year. Hell, I think I get melancholic any time of the year ;)
    .-= Jen blogged this: Venus =-.

  11. Same here. I have a hard time changing this as well. I hang on to the past and worry about the future.
    .-= Karen blogged this: Ego Boosted =-.

  12. I start to feel the same way this time year. Like the year has passed me by and all the fun of 2010 is done and over and where did it all go? Change has never been one of my favorite things.
    .-= terra blogged this: Grief is a strange thing =-.

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