I really, really feel like being creative lately. The strange thing is that a) when I feel creative, I don’t have any time to go for it, and b) when I finally have a couple of hours to myself, I feel totally uninspired and just bleh and end up hanging out in front of the TV or, on a good day, reading a book.
Sometimes I miss all the free time that I had when I was still in school. I would spend whole afternoons in my room writing letters and drawing and doing crafts.
I think my problem these days is that I always feel like I have to have at least (!) a half day or so set aside for myself, or I don’t even feel “relaxed” enough to start anything.
Take scrapbooking for example. I’ve been dying to start a new scrapbook for months, but I just can’t find the time, or space for that matter, to get the ball rolling. Since our apartment is so small that I can’t really leave my stuff lying around until I can squeeze in another hour or two, I don’t even see any sense in getting it out of the closet in the first place, because what good is it if I have to put it away again before I’ve even really started?
I honestly dream of a big house, with a special room for painting, scrapbooking, crafting, quilting and knitting, because yes, oh yes, believe you me, I do and enjoy all of this, when there is time. Oh, and did I mention photography? I don’t really need a special room for that, I suppose, unless I get my own dark room, but whatevs.
Or letter writing? I don’t need a room for that either, but I do need some piece and quiet to sit down and write and I haven’t felt that in a while. Peaceful and quiet enough, that is.
Maybe I just need some time off. Have I mentioned that it’s freakin’ August and I have not yet taken any vacation time? I know, gasp, who could go 8 months without vacation, right? Well, apparently, that’s what Americans do all the time and I cannot for the life of me understand the reasoning behind the concept of “having to earn your vacation time”. In Germany, taking time off – mandatorily – is all about “sustaining your work force”, not a (may I say, meager) “reward” for having worked your ass off.
But I digress.
I think I really need to figure out how to make the most of my time, because right now more often that not my free time, the little that I have, just feels wasted and I really don’t like that.