Blogging through the COVID-19 crisis: Update 2

So much for keeping connected. Ugh. March was forever long, am I right?

You probably noticed that I’ve completely thrown my blogging schedule out the window. No Link Love, no Currently post, no Monthly Favorites, no Monthly recap in March. My ambitious mind wants me to sit down and process my feelings at the end of each day, but that is just not happening. I can’t tell you how many times I opened the editor and sat in front of a blinking cursor, only to shut the laptop again. 

As much as I am still reading blogs (and look forward to it as a welcome distraction), all I want to hear about – really – is how everybody’s doing. I am (mostly) skipping all the – I am sure – well-intended suggestions of what to do with “all my free time” (which, in all honesty, I don’t really have any more of, do you?) and I am also not really into the “let’s pretend nothing happened”-posts that talk about frivolous things that I don’t have any brain space for right now. I am looking for the posts that are written from the heart; or the depth of your anxiety, depending on the day.

I want to say that my overall anxiety is (still) relatively low. I am not freaking out at every turn. I sleep okay. I don’t dread every single second of every day. I am trying to be smart and stay smart about possible exposure. We only leave the house for groceries and a daily run or walk. We stay away from people as much as we can. I have limited my media consumption. I think that’s helping. (No really, I hope you’re not listening to the daily press briefings, because #JFC.)

However, this stay at home order does not really provide me with ample free time to process and neatly package my feelings. I can’t – and refuse to – think more than two days ahead and contemplating the next few months or this summer or what comes after *this*, scares me. In fact, if you want to know the truth, this is what my brain feels like at the end of any given day right now. Looks familiar? 

I’ve been working from home for more than two weeks now. I established some sort of new routine, although the jury is still out if putting on real pants for my workday will make me more productive than staying in my yoga pants. 

I am still working my regular hours, I am exercising, cooking (and baking) and keeping up with the chores (if only barely). But beyond that, I can’t muster the energy to take on new projects. My anxiety (isn’t that what we’re all experiencing right now?) around our current situation mostly manifests in extreme physical fatigue. Every few days, I find myself collapsing onto the couch after dinner and falling asleep within minutes. 

I am so tired.

You know, sometimes, I wake up in the morning and for a split second, everything feels normal. Juuust before I realize, nope, this was not just a bad dream. We have been, are, and will continue to be living through this pandemic for the foreseeable future.

In the grand scheme of things, I can’t – and shouldn’t really – complain, and I realize that this post sounds much “heavier” than I intended it to be. I still have my job and we’re okay financially. We’re healthy and we can get out for runs/walks. It could be a lot worse.

To end on a positive note, here a few good things that happened in the last couple of weeks:

+ I’ve been having way more FaceTime conversations with my parents (we used to just talk on the phone) and sometimes with multiple members of my family, everyone from on their own couch, and I am once more so thankful for technology. I wouldn’t know what to do without it.

+ I’ve been in touch with some friends that I hadn’t talked to in a while, and while I kinda hate that this happened because of the pandemic, I am grateful for re-connecting with them.

+ I’ve started writing letters again with a friend and let me tell you, it’s a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day to find a real letter in the mail these days. 

Tell me one positive thing that happened in your world.

I promise, I’ll try to check in more often. Maybe even write a post, just for fun.

(May you and your coffee) be strong, friends.

  1. I relate so much to this post. One of the most surprising aspects of this whole ordeal is how tired I’ve been. I’ve been chalking it up to the diet and fitness changes I’ve been making but the more I think about it, the more I am wondering if it is how my anxiety is manifesting itself. I need to write more letters – I keep meaning to but alas, other things keep distracting me.

  2. This is a really heavy time. Like you, we are doing ok and better than many as we still have our jobs and we are healthy. That can all change in the blink of an eye, of course. But all in all we are doing ok. But not knowing when there will be an end in sight to this isolation is really hard. Walks outside have done a lot of good for us as that’s really the only thing I truly look forward to these days. That said it’s 26F out right now and we are getting a wintery mix of snow/rain today so our weather is not always great… Such is spring in Minnesota!

    One positive thing in my world is facetiming with my parents and having a weekly zoom chat with some blog friends. I really need those kind of chats these days to feel less isolated!

  3. That happens to me too! I get up, go out for a run and everything feels completely normal. The spring sun is shining, the birds are singing and the cherry trees are blooming. Then I suddenly remember, wait, we’re still in pandemic mode. Sometimes it feels unreal.
    Good to know you’re doing fine!

  4. March was a whole year long this year! LOL. Im thankful to have my boys home and safe with me. And that we are settling into a new normal fairly well. My husband is essential and is still working both jobs so he is gone most of the day. I like the first few moments of the day before reality sets in. Then I get up and sit outside with coffee and the birds singing to try and prepare for the day. I try to stay positive especially when my boys are around. Its not always easy though. But all we can do is try right. Try to stay positive, and healthy and happy. Have the best weekend possible!

  5. I am tired too. So SO tired. I can’t get up in the morning, which is completely unlike me. I agree it is a stress response. We are ok financially for now but my poor husband has had to do so many layoffs and I know his turn will come. It’s ugly. My runs and workouts are my anchor. That and I love having everyone safe at home. Hang in there, we will get through this.

  6. Thank you for sharing those thoughts. I can see why you feel much more tired. I still sleep ok but I wouldn’t say I am too anxious. However it all feels like we are waiting for the storm to hit. It’s just the question where and when.

  7. It’s been a wild year so far. I think everyone’s game was thrown off in March. So many big changes so quickly. I’m glad you’ve been able to keep up with your family. Thank goodness for technology!

  8. I’m definitely tired, and scared, and anxious. And I don’t like to think too far into the future because it does seem never-ending and makes me nervous. I have therapy appointments via telehealth now, so that’s been a god-send. I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t have appointments at all. All things considered, things are going well, and I can work from home, so that’s good. But it’s tough. I try not to focus on the news too much or talk about it too much, but sometimes that’s all there is, you know? I have connected with some friends I hadn’t talked to in awhile, so that’s been nice.

  9. March was really one hectic month! I couldn’t believe how quickly life went from normal – doing everyday things like eating out or seeing family and friends – to social distancing, cancelling plans and postponing travel to a 5 week lockdown. It happened so quickly.

    I’ve found FB to be extremely draining and I’m finding I want to spend more time offline – but obviously not away from blogs! Have enjoyed Insta more and more and connecting with fellow bloggers has been wonderful.

    Raising a strong cup of coffee back to you!

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