4: Things I am not

I am not always as patient as I am 99.9% of the rest of the time. Sometimes I don’t want to wait for answers/decisions to be made/goals to be reached. Sometimes I want it all now.

I am not a mind reader, though I wish sometimes I would possess this ability.

I am not always a healthy eater. I do cook most meals from scratch and I do place value on fresh, unprocessed foods. I make a point to not have frozen dinners in the freezer or preprocessed meal items in the pantry, but sometimes? Sometimes I just need a cookie.

I am not someone who doesn’t give a damn about other people’s opinions. In fact, I do take others’ opinion way too much to heart most of the time and I wish I could just brush it off every once in a while. It’s exhausting to always worry what other people think (I don’t even know where this stupid habit came from.)

I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I am trying to be ok with this and just find my own path and not let society dictate what I am supposed to have achieved by now. Some days it’s easier than others.

I am not ok with the thought that when I visit home this Christmas (hopefully! Fingers crossed.) my great-aunt won’t be there. I feel like I’ll be hit with the reality of her passing all over again, because I haven’t really experienced the void of her in my daily life (besides her missing phone calls on the weekends) like everybody else at home has.

I am not always good at taking care of myself. I don’t know how to say ‘no’. I usually always put other people’s needs first and when I don’t, I feel really selfish. I know that this is a hard lesson for me to learn.

I am not perfect. Nobody is. I wish people would remember that and wouldn’t be so hard on each other. Everybody makes mistakes sometimes.

I am not indifferent to a lot of things. I usually have an opinion, thought or feeling in regards to everything. I tell myself that this is better than having no interest in anything at all.