So, apparently the first month of 2011 is already over. I am currently writing this on the 31th, so I am technically still on time (although it’ll be tomorrow by the time you get to read this).
I am not quite sure yet what to make of 2011.
As you might recall, I didn’t really make any New Year’s resolutions, other than wanting to focus on myself a bit more this year. Right now, I am really trying hard to do that. I don’t really know if it is working, because there are still a lot of things that I want to do, but that I am not doing. If I am brutally honest, I could be a lot more selfish and would probably still pass as a very giving person.
I guess it’s tough to teach an old dog new tricks.
Me being the old dog. Naturally.
I still have a hard time saying no. I feel guilty for not doing things, even if nobody has specifically asked me to do them. I happily stay late at work one night, and then feel horrible about wanting to leave a few minutes early the next day. What the heck is wrong with me? I have a good work ethic. I get shit done. Why is is that I always feel like I have to please others to a fault? I really, really need to work on this.
It’s not all disappointing though. I’ve probably watched more movies, excuse me, chick flicks in January than I have in 2010 all months combined (no kidding- although I admit that it was probably due to the excellent movie selection on my transatlantic flight!). I allow myself to fall asleep on the couch at 9 p.m. and don’t care if the apartment is messy. Until I do care, but that’s a different story for another time.
I don’t beat myself up about the fact that I still have to go back to the gym for the first time this year. (I know!) I don’t stress myself over trying to get more done in any 24 hour-period than humanly possible.
I believe that I can teach myself to be a little less of a perfectionist.
I still want to be me. I just want to believe that there can be a more balanced version of me.
So, I made a little list of goals for February:
- practice to say “no” if someone asks me a small favor, especially if people are perfectly capable of doing it themselves.
- stop volunteering my time and resources, unless I know that I get something in return.
- get lost in and finish a book (yes, one book, that’s all I ask of myself. You got to start somewhere.)
- write and send out two handwritten letters (not because I feel obligated, but because I want to).
- manage my time better. I actually want to take the time that I “waste” on other, to me personally less important things to go back to doing things that I actually love and enjoy, but which have fallen by the wayside lately.
What are your goals for this next month?