I don’t know about you, but I am someone who always needs a mental ‘project’ at any given time. I focus a lot of mental energy on said projects and it often helps me stay focused and motivated – even during the most frustrating times. The only problem usually is that I am attempting to do multiple projects at the same time, but who’s counting?
When I say “project”, I mean simple (and repeatable) organizational projects such as making a weekly meal plan + shopping list (something that I’ve been doing for quite a while now and enjoy very much. Stay tuned for a “daily life” post on that topic!) or a one-time project with a particular goal in mind.
Lately, I have focused a lot of my energy on house hunting. I talked about why we want to move a few weeks ago and every waking moment has revolved around finding a new place since then. (This is often what happens when I am frustrated in another area of my life, I focus all my enery on something that I can get excited about!)
However, the house hunting process has also been frustrating, to say the least, because not only is it hard to find rental houses that meet our requirements, but also because we’re not completely sure what our budget for rent will be in a few months, when the job woes are finally sorted out and I will hopefully finally have gotten a raise.
Yesterday I’ve come to the hard realization that we probably, well in fact, most likely won’t be able to move before my family comes at the end of June.
This had been my goal for the last few months and I had successfully pushed any other option out of my mind. I spent all my energy on hoping and working towards a potential move by June, so it hit me extra-hard that it’s getting more and more less likely (in fact, it would pretty much be a miracle at this point).
‘Why don’t you just wait to move until the job situation is sorted out and give yourself time to find the perfect place?’, you might want to ask.
Yes, that would probably be the best thing to do. But last night, for the first time, I allowed myself to contemplate the now very likely possibility that we’ll still be in our apartment when my family comes and it made me want to cry.
Because of our limited space, we can (barely) accommodate two guests in our 1-bedroom apartment, but definitely not 6. It makes me incredibly sad that I will have to put half of my family up in a hotel. I wanted so bad for us to be able to host them when they finally come to visit (and my sister’s family’s visit has been such a long time coming).
We don’t have (table) space to all eat meals together at our place and no backyard/patio where we could have a BBQ (I guess we have to go to the park). Heck, we don’t even have enough furniture (couch + chairs) to seat everybody, come to think of it.
We will do a fair amount of traveling while they’re here, that’s true, but I did the math and we will still spend a total of 10 (out of 27) nights at our place and I just wish we had more space to accommodate everybody. I also would have loved to show them our new “home” and not the apartment, which at the time we thought to be only “temporary”, that we moved into four years ago. Define “temporary”, right? Sigh.
I don’t know. I just had a bad day yesterday and just resented the situation I am in (professionally with my job and personally with our living situation) and simply the fact that we haven’t really been able to make any long-term decisions (in the last three years) because of all of it. I usually have the most positive attitude and always roll with the punches, but everyone is allowed to feel antsy and frustrated every once in a while, even the most level-headed person. Everyone has the right to feel impatient, even the most patient person of all, am I right? I am just so tired of waiting.
But I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I know, it could be way worse. My family could not be coming at all. I could not have gotten the approval from my supervisor to take 3 weeks off to spend time with them. So I really am trying to focus on the fact that they ARE GOING to be here so very soon and that that is really all that matters.
I think for now though, I’ll have to re-focus my enery on a new project: how to make our small space as cleaned up and efficient for eight people as humanly possible. Maybe I’ll even buy a few extra chairs.